Page 98 of The One for Me
“Dev . . .”
“No, let me say it, please,” she implores. “I couldn’t do it. Not because I didn’t think about it. Not because I wanted a child but because I didn’t, not with him and not like that. Two days after I found out I was pregnant, Jasper and Hazel lost their sixth baby. Six times they had tried to become parents and failed, and there I was, just turned twenty and pregnant with my married professor’s child that he didn’t want. My brother was sobbing to me. He was so distraught that he was failing her. It was the level of emotion I expected from Christopher. He should’ve been crying because he broke me, but he was with his wife.” Devney wipes away her tears and releases another deep breath. “Hazel was in nursing school in Colorado, and I was going to ask her to take me to the clinic to end the pregnancy. Instead . . .”
I stare at her, wondering if she has a clue how selfless she is. “You gave them your child.” A deep sob escapes her lips, and I hold her face in my hands. “Oh, sweetheart.”
“I didn’t give themmychild. I gave themtheirson. A little boy with brown eyes who needed parents to love him. It was the most painful and beautiful day of my life. Hazel was in the room, holding my hand as tears flowed down both of our faces for different reasons. Here was my sister-in-law, trying to not be happy because she knew I was dying inside. She hugged me, thanked me, told me how selfless I was. It was the right choice, but felt so . . . wrong. But I loved Austin. I loved him so much and I handed him over because I knew I couldn’t give him more than they could. We agreed they’d stay in Colorado while I transferred to a new school to finish my degree and we all came back with Austin as my nephew and a secret that only six people knew.”
The breath comes from my chest hard and fast. “Jesus. I don’t know what to say. Why didn’t you tell me before this?”
“Because I was so ashamed. I always thought I was this tough girl who would never allow a man to hurt her, and then I saw my weakness. I didn’t want you to ever see me that way.”
“Sweetheart, I would never.”
“I didn’t believe it myself. I didn’t ever want to see censure in your eyes. Even though you say you wouldn’t, I didn’t trust it.”
“You didn’t trust me.”
“I wish I could say that’s not true and that I did, but . . . I didn’t. After time went by when we would talk, I couldn’t bring myself to say it. Then, time passed and it became this secret that couldn’t be exposed. Austin was growing and I needed to protect him.”
I run my hands down my face. “I just wish you hadn’t lied or kept it from me.”
“I didn’t want to lie, but the truth is that I am Austin’s biological mother. This secret has haunted me and my family for a while.” She looks toward the chair her mother occupied earlier.
“Your mom?”
“Yeah. She was so torn over it, but Jasper and Hazel needed Austin, and I needed them.”
“Is that why you’ve been fighting so much?”
She huffs and shrugs. “It was a sin all the way around. She wanted me to keep him and take responsibility. The fact that I even considered an abortion was unforgivable in her eyes.”
“And Austin doesn’t know anything at all?”
“No. Jasper, Hazel, and I agreed that I would be exactly what I am, his aunt. I got to watch him grow, love him, and be there for him in a way that most people who give their child up never do. It was the hardest and most important thing I could do. From that day forward, I decided to consider him my nephew. I never, not once, let myself sayson. It was the best thing for my own well-being and for Austin.”
“What about now?”
She’s his mother, but Austin doesn’t know. She’s his mother, and she is now faced with having to navigate an entirely new situation.
Her head tilts down as she rubs her thumb over my hand. “I don’t know. When Austin was three months old, they created a will. One that spelled out what they wanted to happen. They want Austin to go to my care, and I am to raise him however I see fit, even though I’m alone and unsure of what any of it means.”
“You’re not alone.”
She laughs once. “I am completely alone, Sean.”
I know that she’s drowning in grief, but it’s the furthest thing from the truth. “I’m here.”
Devney’s eyes meet mine. “You’ve always been, but this is different.”
“Why? Because you’re making it be different?”
“This is an entirely new situation. We have no idea what’s going to happen other than I am now raising a child. You can’t tell me this doesn’t change everything!” Devney lets out a few short breaths.
I run my fingers through my hair and step back. “It doesn’t have to.”
Her head shakes back and forth as she stares at me. “You want to instantly have a child in your life? Not only that, how can you even fathom that I could leave Sugarloaf now?”
“I don’t know. I just know I can’t lose you.”
