Page 97 of The One for Me
Her brown eyes, which are similar to Austin’s, stare back at me. I never noticed it before. I wasn’t looking to see the subtle similarities in the shape or color of their eyes. When we were in there, I started searching for more things that I missed. His nose is close to the same shape and their hair color is close.
“Please.” Devney’s voice is pleading. “Say something. I know you’re upset. I know this is all a shock and I . . .”
“He’s your son?” I ask, just in case I misunderstood.
“Yes.” She stands and steps toward me, eyes pleading for me to understand. “He’s my biological child, but then no, because he’s not my son. He was Jasper and Hazel’s son.”
“I see.”
Hurt fills me. Call it selfish. Call it ridiculous, but it’s there. The woman I love, who I bared my secrets to, didn’t do the same. She didn’t trust me, and I’m fucking hurt. There’s not a secret in the world she could’ve told me that would have made me love her less, not even this. But she didn’t tell me until she had no other choice.
I feel a sense of betrayal that I have no right to feel.
Devney moves even closer. “I’m sorry. It’s what I wanted to talk about tonight. I had a plan to explain. I know that I kept it from you, and there were so many times I just wanted to talk to you about it, but to protect everyone, I couldn’t.”
“I told you everything.” My voice is a bit terser than I want. I’m angry, but not for the reason she probably thinks. It’s more that I had this belief that once I told her about the accident, we had no secrets. Nothing that was like this.
“I know. I should’ve told you, but I had to talk to Jasper first. It wasn’t just about me or you. I never wanted for you to find out this way.”
The pain in her eyes is too much to bear. Still, I need to hear this.
I keep my voice even and take her hand in mine. I don’t know if I’m trying to comfort her or myself, but I have known her for over twenty years, and I love her to the depths of my soul. I can’t watch her cry, not when I can see her trying to be brave. “I’m just confused, Dev. How did you carry a baby for nine months and never tell me? How could you keep this from me?”
“It wasn’t easy. It was actually the hardest thing I’ve ever done. There were so many nights I picked up the phone to call you. I only managed to connect the call once, but I was so upset that I chickened out and had to lie about why I was so broken. Do you remember?”
I filter through, trying to recall a time when she was a mess ten years ago. “Was it when you said you wanted me to run away with you?”
She nods. “I begged you. I was so beyond broken. I just wanted someone who would make it better, and I called you.”
Fuck. I was such a tool back then. I thought she was just homesick, and I remember trying to soothe her. “I didn’t know . . .”
“It was meant to be that way. It was the night I decided that I had to give him to my brother. I was . . . I don’t know, I just couldn’t handle the emotions.”
And for her, I have to deal with mine now. She’s breaking, in a sea of pain and uncertainty, and I won’t be the reason she falls further. I want her more than anything in this world, and I want her to trust me. “Will you tell me everything?”
Tears fall down her cheeks as she rushes into my arms. I hold her tightly, kissing the top of her head and inhaling all that is Devney.
I don’t know how long we stay like this, but when she pulls back, I know it wasn’t long enough.
She takes my hands in hers and then draws a deep breath. “When I was with Christopher, we had rules. We only met at my apartment or a hotel, we didn’t go anywhere, which made sense at the time since our relationship was forbidden. But after about seven months, things were . . . different. I wasn’t allowed to call on certain days or he would break plans with me at the last minute. It was just small things that made me uncomfortable. Then he changed his phone number for no reason, and there was this niggling feeling in my gut that wouldn’t ease up. So, I followed him, and that’s when I saw her. His wife. She was standing in their doorway, smiling at him, and he grabbed her by the waist and kissed her the same way he did when he saw me.”
Rage burns through me as I imagine Devney sitting in her car watching this. A young woman, innocent and naïve enough to think that a relationship with her professor could work. Then she had to see firsthand just how slimy some men could be. “Go on,” I urge.
“I was . . . well, I was crushed. All that time I thought he loved me was a lie. Every touch felt dirty. Every kiss was tainted by the fact that he was cheating on his wife and that I was the mistress. I wanted to die, Sean. I wanted . . . I thought about . . . I couldn’t handle any of it. He came by the next morning, and I told him that I knew everything. He was beyond livid that I followed him.” She laughs a little. “Yeah, angry at me for following him but not the fact that he had been lying to everyone. I remember thinking the whole thing was insane. We fought, and I called him out on every lie he’d ever told me. He kept saying I was crazy and I wasn’t understanding, but I knew.”
“He didn’t deserve you, Devney.”
“It didn’t matter. I loved him and for a few moments, even after I found out, I hoped that maybe he’d choose me. That’s the real sick part in this. I was so dependent on loving him that I wanted to break up a family—even if just for a few moments. I cried and threatened to kill myself.” She looks back up at me, lips trembling and eyes glistening. My stomach twists at the idea of her even thinking of it.
“You were young.”
“I was stupid and selfish and old enough to know better. It didn’t matter, though, because he would never throw away his career for his side piece, and I think, all along, I knew that.”
I’ve never wanted to go back in time. My past and things I’ve endured were horrible and belong in the past, but right now, I’d like to make this right for her. I should’ve been there. I should’ve known when she was distant and wouldn’t talk. As her best friend, I should have seen the signs that there was something wrong.
“Anyway, three days after I said we were over, I found out I was pregnant.” I want to comfort her, but she pulls away. “I don’t think you can even begin to understand the level of pain I was in. I was hormonal, scared, angry, and everything in between. I was so beyond broken at that point. So, the night I took the test, I asked him to come by because it was urgent. Nothing could’ve prepared me for his response. He told me my options were to raise the baby however I want without his help or he’d pay for an abortion.”
If I thought I was angry before, this is a whole new level. I want to kill him. Break his arms off and choke the life out of him. To do this to any girl is disgusting, but to her...unconscionable. Devney is everything beautiful in this world, and as a man, he should’ve been there for her.
