Page 9 of The One for Me
“I enjoy working for Sydney.”
She places her hand on the cover of the book she was reading. “Your family’s farm needs help. Your brother at least comes and works on the machines. We would’ve closed things down, but you encouraged us to keep going when you decided to move back home after college.”
Yes, it’s all my fault. I am the one who destroyed everything for her. “I didn’t encourage it, Mom. I said that I was here and if you and Dad didn’t want to get rid of the animals, I would help.”
“But you don’t,” she counters.
No, I do anything I can to stay the hell away from her censure.
Dad places his hand on hers. “Let’s not blame anyone, please.” He nods toward the door, and I take my cue.
“I’ll be back later.”
My mother waves her free hand as though she can’t be bothered, and I head out to the barn.
My family is sort of eclectic on what we provide as a farm. We have a bit of everything and cater to whatever people might need. We have cattle because Sugarloaf is primarily a dairy town, but we also have horses, goats, chickens, and sheep.
We not only sell animals but also help local farmers by purchasing and rehoming animals they can no longer keep for whatever reason.
However, the horse I’m standing in front of is all mine. “Hey there, Simba,” I call to my beautiful oatmeal-colored gelding that I’ve loved for the last ten years.
He lifts his snout and makes his way toward the apple I have in my hand.
“That’s a good boy. Want to go out for a ride?”
He takes the food and bobs his head as though he is actually agreeing.
I tack him up, and we head out to the open fields. I love when I can let him run free. He’s getting older and doesn’t go nearly as fast as he once did, but I give him the reins and let him go.
I smile as the wind whips through my hair, the sun beats down on my face, and the fresh air fills my lungs. The freedom I feel as Simba and I ride through the countryside is indescribable. For this brief moment, I can be who I am. There is no forcing a smile or pressure to make my life better. I just . . . am.
I’m the girl who has given up so much that I can never get back.
I’m the woman who is trying to find her way in a sea of uncertainty.
I’m also the person who is working to forgive herself.
And I will. I must.
When I get to the back end of the field, I head across the creek and over to where my brother’s property is.
After I cross his fence line, I make my way toward where my brother, Jasper, is usually working. I tie up Simba, patting his neck and kissing his nose, grateful that we were able to spend some time together, and then I go in search of the one person in this world who has never made me feel bad about myself.
Sure enough, I find him tinkering with something on an older-looking tractor.
I clear my throat. “Hello there, brother.”
Jasper slides out from under the engine. “This is a surprise.”
I say the one word that binds us. “Mom.”
“Say no more.”
My mother treats my brother much better than she treats me, but it’s still . . . not great.
“What are you working on?” I ask.
“I’m trying to fix this for Connor. He says he fixed it twice, but . . .”
