Page 26 of The One for Me
When we spoke, it was about superficial stuff. Parties. Friends. Exams. Never relationships. Even though I didn’t know Christopher was married, I knew starting a relationship with my professor was wrong. But to walk away from him seemed so impossible.
He was otherworldly. Smart, sophisticated, and bold. The spell he cast on me was intense and unbreakable. I wanted to be under it. I needed to hear every incantation and feel enchanted.
I was an idiot.
It wasn’t magic, it was madness.
“Sean, there are things . . . things that you don’t know about. Things that I’m not proud of, and my mother likes to throw them back in my face.”
He leans back, arm draped over the back of the couch. “And you think I’d do that?”
I look up into his green eyes and shake my head. “No.”
“Then why the secret, Shrimpy?”
“Because every girl has them.”
He smiles, and his hand brushes the back of my neck. “I’ve got you, Devney. I won’t let you fall. I never have, and I never plan to. So, trust me, and let me be here for you.”
A tear forms, and I nod. Here we go. “My sophomore year of college, I started dating someone. He was . . . older and definitely off limits. There was this connection, and neither of us was able to stay away even though we knew we shouldn’t.”
“He was your professor.” Sean guesses.
“Yes, and it went on for the entire year. We were—I was—in love.”
“And he broke your heart.”
I play with the paper on the bottle, unable to look at him. “I found out he was married. I was so stupid. I was the other woman, and I wasn’t even really a woman. I was young, stupid, and willing to do whatever he asked. I’m the whore, just like my mother says I am, right?”
After I learned he was married, it all ended instantly. But it ate at me. I wondered if there were nights she stayed up, waiting for him. Did she know about me? Did he care that he ruined everything for me?
I hated myself for not questioning him when he came up with excuses to break plans with me. It was just so easy to take his word as truth. Also, how would I have known he was lying? He was an adult, had a life, a job that was demanding, and everything always made sense.
But Jessica Wilkens deserved more than her husband fucking his students.
Sean shifts, and I feel his finger under my chin, lifting it to look at him. His emerald-green irises that are speckled with gold and rimmed with the thickest black watch me. “Did you know the entire time?”
“No.”
“Did you actively seek this man out?”
“No.”
His thumb brushes my chin. “And when you found out, did you walk away?”
“Yes.”
I ran. I haven’t allowed myself to go back to that time, and I won’t, but that shame was so intense that I couldn’t function.
I cried and was so horrified by the level of deception Christopher went to that I made myself sick.Monthsof lies and mistrust were around me, and I never saw it.
Of course, hindsight is twenty-twenty. I looked back at all the little signs, wanting to slap myself for being so gullible. I was so angry and disappointed in myself. Then, when I went to my family for help, I was met with more of the same emotions from them.
But Sean’s eyes aren’t filled with either of those.
No, he’s looking at me with something else.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
