Page 25 of The One for Me
“Was that so hard?”
“No, but I don’t know why you want me to have a saying like you and your brothers.”
“Because you’re my best friend, Devney.”
“And you’re mine. You will always be too.”
Sean looks back at me from over his shoulder. “Good. We never look back.”
How much I wish that were the case. We were too young to know that the past defines the future. Every action has a reaction, and once they’re set in motion, they aren’t easy to stop. I will never be able to fully forget that relationship.
Now I have to find a way to go forward and forget the last mistake.
When I park the car, Sean is coming out of the small, white farmhouse that looks like the farm built itself around it.
“What’s wrong?” His voice is full of worry.
I rush toward him, the tears coming harder than before. His strong arms wrap around me as he pulls me tight against him. Right now, I feel so safe and yet so vulnerable. I don’t want to tell him about Christopher. I don’t want to say his name, but Sean is my safe place. He won’t act like my family did, and I have to trust him. No, I want to trust him.
“I need a place to stay,” I tell him first. “I left the house, and I have nowhere to go.”
“You always have somewhere to go, you know that.”
I knew he wouldn’t turn me away. Yes, Sean and I are a little up in the air and I didn’t want to impose, but . . . he’s got me. Always.
“Thank you.”
“What happened?” He takes my bag and then threads the fingers of his free hand through mine as we walk up the steps.
“My mother and I had a huge fight. A lot was said. Things that can’t be taken back, and...I just can’t stay there.”
“You’ll stay with me.”
I release a shaky sigh. Maybe this is stupid. I should just go back or see if Jasper will let me stay a few nights. I can’t stay there for too long, but a night or two would be fine. Damn it.
“Sean—” I start to say, but he puts his hand up.
“No, don’t. You can argue about why this is a bad idea once you’ve stopped crying. For now, let’s get your stuff inside. There are three empty bedrooms, and I have beer. We were friends long, long before we kissed, so let’s just put all the other shit aside and be the Devney and Sean we’ve always been.”
I’m not sure I have the strength to explain to him why there’s no way to just put it aside, but I need my best friend. Sean was really the only person I wanted to run to, and I need a friend.
“Beer is good,” I say as I resolve myself to staying.
We get inside, drop the bags in the entryway, and then head into the living room. I know this house as well as I know my own, but it’s so different. Ellie and Connor did a lot of renovations, and the doom and gloom that had lived here is gone. There is fresh paint, the cabinets and floors have been refinished to a beautiful dark wood color, and the lighting paints everything in softer tones. It isn’t just one thing they did, it’s all of it together.
“I’ll grab the beer, you make yourself comfortable.”
I take a seat, looking around, forcing myself not to relive the argument with my mother. For so long, I’ve listened to her spew hatred at me, as though I weren’t a nineteen-year-old girl with no self-esteem, looking to be more than just the best friend.
I’ve been unwilling to share the burden with anyone, even Sean because it felt like I failed. For so long, I was considered smart and strong, but I proved that I wasn’t. I wanted to forget it, pretend it never happened, but my mother wouldn’t let that happen. I know it wasn’t my fault in a lot of ways. I can rationalize that, but I can’t seem to stop myself from feeling like a fool.
Sean enters the living room and hands me a bottle. “Sit and we’ll talk.”
I follow the first command, plopping down on the new couch, rubbing my hand against the soft fabric. “I don’t want to talk.”
“Too bad.”
I roll my eyes and take a long drink from the bottle. Part of me is afraid to tell him. Not because he’ll give two shits about me dating a married man but because I’ve never told him. All this time, I’ve kept the years of my college experiences to myself.
