Page 20 of The One for Me
And I miss her more when I’m here.
“What’s one truth about an arrow?” Devney’s voice is soft and coaxing.
I look at her, feeling a myriad of emotions. I don’t want to answer. I don’t want to say the words my mother forced from me each time I was at the driveway.
Devney squeezes my hand. “It’s okay, Sean. I’ve got you.”
The words we’ve spoken to each other so many times over the years cause my throat to close. Being back here is fucking agony.
Not because of my father but because of all I have lost.
I close my eyes, letting her comfort give me the strength to say what I haven’t in almost two decades. “Just because you don’t hit the bull’s-eye, it doesn’t mean the other shots don’t count.”
“We don’t always win, Sean. Sometimes we lose. Sometimes we don’t hit the mark, but at least we tried, right?” Devney asks.
I think she might need the answer more than I do. Now, I have a little over five months to decide if the shot I took a few weeks ago was a miss or not. We have time to get to the bottom of the feelings we have and the ones we’ve been ignoring over the years.
“Are you asking for me or for you?” I ask. When she attempts to pull her hand back, I tighten my grip, unwilling to let her off the hook. “You’ve lost too, Dev. You’ve struggled to get back up. I don’t know what you’re keeping from me, but I wish you’d tell me.”
“I’m not holding back.” She gets to her feet, and I follow.
She’s lying.
“Then what is going on? Why are you being so distant?”
“I’m not being distant, Sean. In the last few weeks, a lot of shit has changed. I broke up with my boyfriend, a new guy started working at the office, Sydney had her baby, Ellie is going to have hers . . .”
“And I kissed you.”
She rubs her hands over her eyes and refuses to look at me. “Yeah, then there’s that.”
“Why did you let Oliver go?”
Devney turns, eyes piercing mine. “Do you think I ever want to be ‘that’ girl? Do you think I would start my marriage to a man when I’d done something like cheat on him?”
“No.”
“Then why are you asking?”
I move toward her, and she retreats. My heart pounds harder the closer I get to her. For the last two weeks, I’ve berated, promised, and done everything not to feel this way. Not to want her because she wasn’t free. Now she is. I need to see if that kiss was nothing more than the lie I’ve been telling myself or if my heart knows more than my head. “Because I think, if it were just a drunken mistake, you would’ve fought for him.”
“Sean, don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
There are so many things she could be asking. Don’t kiss me. Don’t say anything I can’t take back. Don’t break her heart. I need to know what she’s asking me.
“Don’t do something we can’t deny or take back.”
“I won’t,” I promise her and then pull her into my arms. I give her another beat to make sure she understands this kiss won’t be a drunken mistake. It won’t be anything we can brush off or excuse away. This will be because I want to kiss her more than I want to draw breath.
Her hands rest on my chest, long eyelashes fan across her cheeks, and then slowly, she lifts her gaze to mine. I see the heat, wonder, and fear lingering there. I don’t want to live with any more shame for not doing the right thing.
For not kissing her sooner.
And I’m not going to wait any longer.
Chapter Seven
