Page 16 of The One for Me
“The pressure is in my arms, huh?”
I love babies. They’re so perfect and untouched. Nothing has hurt them or jaded them. They just are, and it’s magnificent. One day, I might have this. I yearn for it, more than anyone can ever understand.
It was once in my grasp, but then it was gone just as quickly.
Still, I would love to raise a child someday.
Deacon squirms a bit, and I tighten my hold, remembering how much Austin loved to be swaddled tightly. He would fuss until someone would make him unmovable in his cocoon.
“Dev?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you going to tell me anything about what’s going on with Sean? I’ve been patient, but you’re killing me. It’s been two weeks since you told me he kissed you.”
I sigh, moving to the edge of her bed. “It’s nothing. He said it was a mistake, and well, he’s right. So, we’re moving on.”
Sydney stares at me for a moment. “It’s not easy to just move on. Not when you realize you’re in love with him.”
“I’m not in love with him.”
At least, I’m not willing to be. I can’t be in love with my best friend. It doesn’t work that way. Not when he’s been the best part of my life since the second grade.
“Look, I’m not going to call you a liar, but you’re not exactly being honest.”
“You have a baby to mother now, Syd, you don’t have to do it with me.”
She laughs once and then sighs. “I’m not mothering you—or at least, I’m not trying to. I’m just saying that loving him, more than as a friend, is common knowledge to everyone but the two of you. He’s here for another five and a half months and then, who knows what will happen?”
“Exactly!” I say in a whisper-yell. “He’s going to leave, and if I remember,someone, didn’t want to get involved with a certain Arrowood for the same reason.And,” I stress, “I have zero chances of being pregnant with Sean’s baby. So, taking five and a half months to . . . date...or whatever the hell it would be only ends with me having a broken heart in Sugarloaf and an Arrowood in Florida. No thanks.”
“Maybe that will be the case, but what if it isn’t? What if he’s the one for you and you let him go?”
“What if? I can’t play those games, Syd. I’m not a kid anymore. I have responsibilities and desires. I want to get married, have kids, have a life . . .” DJ starts to fuss, and I place him back in his mother’s arms. “I love you, and I know that what you’re saying is from the goodness of your heart. I really do. But Sean is my best friend. Blurring those lines would destroy not only my heart but also my soul. If we didn’t work out, we could never be friends again. We were drunk and kissed, but in a few months, he’ll go back to his life, and I’ll go back to mine.”
Sydney’s eyes look to her son and then back to me. “Yeah, I thought that too. Good luck, my friend.”
And she was wrong, and I’m sure I am as well.
* * *
I enter the house, battle gear on, ready for whatever war my mother is about to declare. I’m never sure how I will disappoint her, but it’s always there.
“There you are,” Dad’s warm voice says from the couch. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, everything is great. Sydney had the baby.”
“That’s great. I’m sure the family is happy. Is Sean back now?”
I sit on the couch beside him, laying my head on his shoulder. “He is.”
“I’m sure that means we’ll be seeing a lot of him?”
Between Jasper and Sean, not many boys would dare approach me. Jasper was bad, but Sean was a nightmare. Just a look from him would send any guy running in the other direction. It was inconvenient and irritating, but Sean would say that any guy who wasn’t willing to push him back wasn’t worth a moment of my time.
My father agreed, which earned Sean my father’s love.
“I don’t know. He’s going to work with Austin and some other local kids on the team, do something on the farm with the cows, and I’m busy, so . . .”
