Page 143 of The One for Me
Gone is the easy friendship that has been my companion through the dark times. He took the light when he stole my heart, and nothing will be the same anymore.
I miss my best friend.
I miss the man who knew my thoughts just by the look on my face.
I feel like I’m falling without a net, and it’s scary.
“The worst part is that Sean was my person. He was the other half that made me feel secure,” I say without looking at her. “I was afraid of losing that, but I took that chance anyway, and look where I am now.”
Ellie gets up and comes around the table, her hand covers mine. “You’re not alone. I know that we’re not the same as Sean, but we are here for you, Devney.”
“I know, I do, but Sean became so much more.”
“He became the other half of you,” she says, understanding layered in each word.
“Yes.”
“Then, as someone who has screwed up more times than she can count, I can tell you that you shouldn’t lose that. The road ahead is hard, but if you both want this, you can find a way to make it work. Connor and I didn’t have it easy. God knows Declan and Sydney didn’t. You and Sean are different, though. There’s nothing standing in your way but yourselves.”
I look at the little boy in the other room, arms crossed over his chest as Hadley tries to give him one of her toys—forcefully. He’s the reason I can’t go, and I’m okay with that. Austin is my son, and there’s nothing I won’t do to protect him from further pain.
“Maybe you see it that way, but that kid has been through a lot in the last few months. He’s lost both parents, had surgery, and found out his aunt is really his mother. I won’t add more on top of that.”
She nods. “I remember being the same way. I thought that Hadley couldn’t handle more change. She had watched her mother . . . well, go through hell, for sure. I convinced myself that, for her, I had to push back against a relationship with Connor.”
“We’re not the same,” I tell her.
“I know. I just want you to know that, whatever you decide, Connor and I are here for you. You’re not alone, and if there’s anything you need, don’t hesitate to ask.”
“Thank you, Ellie.”
“Don’t mention it.”
We sit and talk a bit more. She explains some of the school things for Austin that I was struggling with. We’ve been trying to get into a routine, but it’s hard. He’s angry and doesn’t want to do his homework. Not to mention, he can’t play baseball, and he’s upset he wasn’t there when his team won their last tournament.
It’s been difficult, and I want to make it better, but I don’t know how.
“Sean!” I hear joy in Austin’s voice for the first time in a few days.
“Hey, little man!” There’s a squeezing noise, and I look over to see Austin wrapped around his neck.
I quickly avert my eyes. Here I was, wishing I could see him and thinking about how much I miss him, but now that he’s here, I’m not ready.
I haven’t seen or heard his voice since I left. Neither of us has reached out, and I can’t blame him.
Just the sound of his voice makes me ache.
Ellie looks to me and then gets to her feet, her head nodding as she goes to the doorway. “Hey, Sean.”
“Ells.” He kisses her cheek. “Sorry to barge in . . .”
“You’re not. I just thought you’d be coming by later, that’s all.”
Then he turns to me, and I rise. The pull to him is too great. Our eyes meet, and two weeks’ worth of pain, longing, and sadness washes over me in seconds.
He gives me a crooked smile and makes his way to me. “Dev, it’s good to see you.”
The knot in my chest gets tighter, and I fight back tears. I won’t cry, not when I’m the one who left. “Good to see you too.”
