Page 142 of The One for Me
I blow out a heavy breath, the fog filling the air around me. “And how do I fix the issue?”
“Which one?”
“That she won’t go to Florida, and I can’t stay here. I’m in the middle of my contract and I can’t get out. So, please, tell me how do I fucking fix this, Jacob? Because, right now, I don’t see it. If you can figure it out, I’ll be all for it because I don’t know how to live like this. She’s my fucking world.”
He shrugs while leaning back with a cocky grin. “Finally, you ask the important question. You know, it’s too bad you don’t have an agent to help trade you somewhere like Philly or New York, huh?”
Chapter Forty-Two
Devney
“He leaves in a few days,” Ellie reminds me as if I wasn’t already incredibly aware of it.
I didn’t want to come to this playdate. I knew that it was going to be an ambush the second she had Hadley call and ask me to come hang out with her. I can’t say no to the girl, and Ellie knows it.
“By the way, having your daughter set this up was well played.”
Ellie doesn’t bother to look the slightest bit apologetic. “We do what we must. Back to the point I was making . . . Sean leaves soon.”
“Yes, I know.”
“And you’re letting him go?”
I’m notlettinganything happen, I’m . . . barely existing. I’m lost, drifting, and I miss him so much. I don’t know how to live like this, and maybe I’m making a huge mistake. Ellie must understand to some extent.
“Can I ask you something?”
She smiles softly. “Would I have gone if it was Connor?”
I nod.
“I want to lie and tell you no,” Ellie confesses. “I can’t do it, though. I have the power of hindsight and know that life without Connor isn’t the life I want. I have a family and love that I thought was for non-broken girls because of him. So, if you asked me now with two kids and a house, the answer is yes. But if you had asked me when I was living with an abusive man who made me think I wasn’t worthy of love, then it probably would’ve been no.”
Her honesty stuns me. I believed the answer I was going to get was all bubbly and without pause, but she gave me two answers from warring standpoints.
It’s been two weeks without Sean, and I am hollow.
My heart aches for him. I roll over at night, tears on my pillow, reaching for arms that aren’t there to hold me.
And I’m living in my brother’s house, which is harder than I ever imagined. He’s everywhere I look, and I can see the hurt and longing in Austin’s eyes. All of this sucks, and we miss Sean.
“I don’t know how to fix it, Ells. I really don’t. Austin needs the stability that Sugarloaf can give him. To move him would be a huge mistake. Sure, he thinks he wants to be with Sean, we both do, but Sean isn’t just some normal guy with a normal life.”
“No, he isn’t.”
“And that means that even if we go there, we’ll be just as away from him as we would be if we stayed here.”
She looks into the living room where the kids are playing and then to me. “That’s fair, and you don’t want to try long distance?”
“Would you?”
Ellie shakes her head softly. “No, I wouldn’t. If I couldn’t have all of Connor . . .”
“It would be better to learn to live without him,” I finish the sentiment.
“I guess.”
I release a deep breath through my nose and turn away. I don’t want to start crying again. It hurts too much. The idea of no Sean in my life is like cutting off an arm. He’s been my constant, and everything I feared about falling in love with him is coming true.
