Page 104 of The One for Me
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I smooth my hand down my black dress and wipe under my eyes again. Waterproof mascara my ass. The number of tears I’ve cried could fill the ocean.
“I will never see my parents again,” Austin says as he stares at the caskets sitting over the holes.
Navigating this is just too much. I can’t take away his pain. All I can do is hold his hand and try to help him through it. Last night, he fell asleep in my arms, wetting my shirt as he cried for my brother. I could do nothing else but hold him and cry alongside him. At some point, Sean came in, moved Austin, and carried me to our bed.
We all knew today would be hard, but it has been agony.
I brush back Austin’s dark brown hair. “They loved you. So much.”
He nods. “I just want them back, but they’re gone.”
“I know it’s hard right now, but we will never let ourselves forget how wonderful they were. Okay? We will remember how much fun we had and how lucky we were to love them and be loved by them.”
Austin sniffs. “I don’t want to go back home, but I’m worried about the animals.”
Sean squats so they’re eye to eye. “Do you want to bring your horse to our barn? He would be with Hadley’s, and we could keep a better eye on him?”
“Yes. I need him to know he’s not alone.”
There is so much pain in each syllable that it highlights his underlying message. He feels alone.
I go to say something, but Sean beats me to it.
“No one is alone in this, buddy. You have your aunt Devney, your grandparents, Hadley, me, and my brothers. We’re all here for you, okay?”
Austin looks to me with unshed tears. “Can we go home now?”
“Yeah, we sure can.”
Austin didn’t want to use his crutches, so Sean offered to be his legs for the day. I swear, when I don’t think I can love this man any more than I do, he does something like lift Austin into his arms to carry him.
“Would you like to come by today?” Mom asks when we get to the car.
“No thanks, Grandma.”
“All right, but you’ll come see me soon?”
Her eyes are puffy, and her nose is red. This has been a hard day for her. Jasper was her oldest, and now he’s gone. I answer for him. “We’ll be at the house for Christmas, Mom. Like always.”
I watch her lip tremble as she nods, crumpling into my father’s arms. “We’ll see you then,” he replies.
As we drive to Austin’s house, Sean holds my hand as he and Austin talk about baseball a bit. All day long, he has found a way to be my anchor. His hand was in mine, his arm was wrapped around me, or his palm was pressed to the small of my back. I never had to worry because he was right there. Once we park, he squeezes gently and turns to Austin. “How about we check on the horses and grab a few more things?”
Austin looks out the window and then sighs. “Okay.”
“Dev, can you go and get whatever Austin needs for a few more days while I take him down to the stable?”
I smile, grateful that he’s going to keep him out of the way so I can get what we need.
The boys head out to the barn and I enter the house. It’s funny how much a house is a home because of the people in it. Where we live is defined by those we share the space with, and right now, this place is empty.
Jasper and Hazel are gone, taking the warmth and love that lived here with them.
I move through the house, grabbing the dishes that were left on the counter and putting them in the cupboard. There are a few things left out, mail that is in the holder, Austin’s backpack from before winter break started sitting in the cubby.
I grab it, pull it to my chest, and then sink to the floor. So many things I’ve never thought about. He’ll have school, and I have no idea when they go back. I don’t know his teacher’s name or how to contact her.
