Page 98 of Fight for Me
“Ate something?”
I move away from him, needing to work off my anger. “Let this go, Connor.”
“That’s what I thought. Sydney is going to wake up, and it would be preferable if she didn’t gag when she smells you. Take a fucking shower, shave, eat a meal, and come back when you look like yourself. This”—he points at my face—“isn’t okay.”
Anger that was simmering beneath the surface starts to boil. “How easy for you to judge me!”
“I’m not judging you, I’m helping you!”
“Helping? How? By ordering me away from her? What if she wakes up? What if she looks for me, and I’m not there like I haven’t been for the past eight years. She’s all that fucking matters!”
Connor lifts his hands and purses his lips. “And that’s great. I’m glad you finally figured all this out, but the fact remains that you need to get your shit together. Now, go to the hotel and clean yourself up.”
My breathing is heavy as I ball my fists. “I’m not leaving her.”
“Well, we’re not letting you back in that room.”
I move toward him, and Connor straightens his back. “You’re angry? Good. You’ll need that to get through this, Dec. You feel helpless, and it’s not something any of us like to feel, but you won’t hit me, no matter how much I bait you. Do you know why?”
I step back as my senses return. “Because I’m nothing like him.”
“Exactly. If you need to get it out, I’m happy to spar with you and let you work off your steam. It’s been a long time since I’ve kicked your ass.”
He’s never kicked my ass, but I don’t correct him. Truth is, I’m too fucking tired to. The last few days have been the longest of my life.
No change in Sydney. The baby is still okay, but they are putting her on another form of medication and running another scan. Her brain activity is reading as normal, which has the doctors baffled, and I’m losing my grip.
“I can’t do this, Connor.”
He puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes. “Let’s walk.”
We head toward the hotel, which is right across the street from the hospital. We got two rooms there so people could stay overnight if they wanted. Sierra is heading back home tonight, and Ellie is staying. The two of them are alternating, and Connor is driving them each day. I’m the only one who won’t leave.
I can’t.
I have to be here.
As we walk slowly, Connor stays quiet as I form what to say in my head. “I’ve always taken care of everything.”
“Yeah, you have.”
“I can’t fix this.”
He bobs his head as we keep going. “I know the feeling well. You want to make her happy and do what you can to give her security, but this is out of your hands. I’ve been there, brother, I know what you’re feeling. You’d do anything, wouldn’t you?”
I would steal the breath from my body and give it to her. “Anything.”
“Then be the man she has always believed you are. The one we all know you are. Put the past behind you.”
I already have in some ways. However, I have some mistakes I need to atone for, leaving Syd being the biggest. I will never run the risk of losing her again. When she wakes up—which will happen—I will prove it to her.
“Connor,” I say carefully, needing to say this. “If this goes badly.”
“It won’t.”
“If it does ...”
Connor grips the back of his neck and releases a heavy breath. “Then you have three brothers who will hold you together.”
