Page 92 of Fight for Me
The words fall from my lips as dread fills my heart. She can’t ask this. No, more than that, she can’t die.
Sierra rests her hand on my arm. “She said she needed to make her wishes known so I wouldn’t have to decide. I’m sick to my stomach, and I just keep reassuring myself that this is the planner in Sydney. The girl who needs to have all her ducks in a row.”
I can’t think about her dying. There’s no way because I just got her back. I just decided we were going to make it work and love again. So, she is not going to die. There are no ducks to be in a row.
“Did the doctor say anything about the risks?” I ask.
“Yes. There’s a chance that either she or the baby could go into distress. It’s surgery, while pregnant, but they said it just couldn’t wait. The tumor is sitting in an area that could hurt the baby. She was devastated, Dec. I’ve never seen her so broken. Well, I have, but it was when...”
When I broke her heart. She doesn’t have to say it, I know it all too well. It’s also probably the last time I felt this out of control. Everything feels like it’s falling apart all over again. I want to scream and throw something. “Why didn’t she call me?”
Sierra looks down and then back up. “You hurt her.”
“I was coming.”
“She didn’t know that. Ellie told her you left, and …”
“You all assumed that meant for good.” My track record would prove that to be the case. Now, I could lose her or both of them. I read the letter again, seeing the name. “It’s a boy?”
She nods. “She wants to name him Deacon. I’m assuming that, even as much as you hurt her, she still has faith in you.”
I run my hand over my face and then rest my elbows on my knees before I look over to her. “Faith I don’t deserve.”
“Maybe not, but isn’t that what faith is?”
I look to Sierra, feeling this overwhelming sense of grief. “I hurt her when I was doing everything I could to make her happy.”
Her head tilts to the side. “What exactly were you doing?”
“I bought the farm.”
Her eyes widen, and her lips part in surprise. “Our farm?”
“Yes. I knew she didn’t really want to sell it, so I figured I would buy it, hold it for her, and she could have it back when she realized it was a mistake.”
She leans back in her chair and smiles at me. “You bought our farm.”
“A lot of good it did me. I missed the appointment today because I …” I fall silent, hating that I will have to admit this. I was such a fool, and now, I have to wait to tell her how I feel.
“Because you?” Sierra prompts.
“Because I didn’t fight for her. I let her walk away that night, and I spent the next two days securing the house instead of making sure she knew I loved her and the baby.”
Sierra rubs my back and then sighs. “You know, my sister has loved you for as long as I can remember. She was broken after you left, but she could never fully let you go, no matter how hard I pushed. Sydney doesn’t know what her heart would look like without you holding a piece of it. Love like that doesn’t disappear.”
I hope to God that’s true. “I’ve never stopped loving her.”
“I think she knows that, in her heart at least.”
I shake my head, wishing I could make sure she knew that in her mind too. I failed her in so many ways. I should’ve done so many things differently, and as soon as she wakes up, I plan to tell her all of that.
I think about the child we’re about to have, and how I will do better for him.
I look back at Sierra. “We’re having a boy.”
She smiles softly. “Yeah. You guys are.”
“She’s going to be fine.” There is no other option. They will both pull out of this and then I’ll find a way to explain it to Sydney. The two of us will work it out and be a family.
