Page 89 of Fight for Me
Tears stream down my face as my sister sobs harder with each word. Sierra has always been the strong one, but not even she can withstand this heartache. Both of us fear the worst, but I’m prepared for whatever. I’ve lived. I’ve loved. I’ve been broken and mended. I want my son to be what people remember of me.
“I need the pen, please,” I say as I finish. The doctor hands it to me. “Thank you.”
“You know the likely outcome is that you will all be fine, right?” he says.
“Yes, but the lawyer in me needs to know that, no matter what, all will be good.”
Sierra sits up and stares at me with bloodshot eyes. “Please, don’t fucking die.”
I smile at her because, even through the pain, she makes me feel hope. “I won’t.”
“Then all this is just a formality,” Sierra says as I sign the paper.
The witnesses do the same, and when they turn to leave, the nurse’s eyes are wet as her lips attempt to lift but never quite make it.
She climbs onto the bed beside me, like we did as kids when we felt sad or alone. When I felt worthless, Sierra was the only other person besides Declan who could help me find value in myself.
“It’s going to be fine,” she tells me.
“I know.”
“All that was just … pomp and circumstance.”
“Yup.”
Sierra lifts her head. “The baby will be fine.”
“I know he will.” No matter what, I believe my son will be okay. Declan has a great capacity for love, and I believe in my heart he’ll do the right thing. If he doesn’t, my sister is the best person I know.
I want to ask her to do all kinds of things like tell him about me. I hope they relay the stories of how much I loved him and how I was willing to die just so he could survive. I want him to know that his mother placed him above all else. I close my eyes, press my hand to my belly, and tell him what’s in my heart.
Whether you know it or not, you came from love. Your father may not make the best choices when he’s scared, but I loved him when you were made. He’s always been a good guy, does the best he can, but sometimes he’s stupid, so please forgive him. His life hasn’t been easy, and he’s made a habit of punishing himself when he feels the slightest bit of happiness. Even if he didn’t choose me, he will never turn you away. I know this in my heart because you will be the best part of him.
You see, you were never planned, but you’re the prayer I never thought would be answered. I will never regret one moment of the time I’ve had loving you. How could I? You are proof that true love exists. You are the miracle that I didn’t know I needed. I hope that this is all for naught. That in a few hours, I’ll be awake and telling you that Mommy did it. I just need you to know that, if I don’t, you are so loved, Deacon.
The doctor enters, goes over the operation again and informs me it’ll be general anesthesia.
I wipe my tears, and Sierra watches me with troubled eyes. “You have to fight, Sydney. For him. For Declan. For me and Mom and everyone else who loves you more than anything. Please promise me.”
She doesn’t have to worry about that. I won’t ever give up. “I promise.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Declan
Icall Sydney again, but she doesn’t answer, and I don’t blame her. For the last two days, everything that could’ve gone wrong, has. The paperwork that was supposed to arrive that day didn’t come until this morning. Then there was an accident on the highway that shut it down, preventing me from getting back to Sugarloaf in time.
My fucking phone died, and I didn’t have a charger in the car because I wasn’t supposed to have to stay overnight. Now, I’m on my way to her house prepared to grovel, beg, and pray she forgives me.
I get there, and her car isn’t parked in the drive.
Shit.
I call Ellie, hoping she knows. “Hey, have you heard from Syd?”
“I did earlier. She asked me if I knew where you were.”
Dread fills my limbs, and I stand here, hand on the door handle. “What did you tell her?”
