Page 86 of Fight for Me
At least I know he or she is in there. Living. Heart beating. I still don’t know what they’re looking for, but the two radiologists were very sure they found whatever it was that alerted my doctor.
There’s a soft knock on the door and then Natasha peeks her head in. “Hey.”
“Please don’t keep this from me. Whatever it is, I need to know. I’m freaking the fuck out.”
She sits on the side of the bed and takes my hand. “I don’t want you to freak out. During the first ultrasound, we found the baby was just a bit smaller than we’d like to see with how far along you are. It’s not a huge thing considering all babies grow and develop at slightly different rates, but when we don’t see an appropriate amount of growth between ultrasounds, we check for other possible signs as to why.”
I nod, holding back the urge to be sick again. Tremors wrack my body as I edge closer to the end of my control. “Just say it.”
“It’s called chorioangioma, which is a tumor on your placenta. Sometimes, this happens and they’re small and not an issue, but yours is very large, and ... I’m concerned. With the baby’s decreased size and the location on the placenta being close to the umbilical cord, we need to discuss options.”
The floor drops out beneath me, and I might pass out. I have a tumor, and it could be hurting the baby? “What about the baby?” I ask frantically.
This baby that I never planned for is the only thing that matters. They have to help it. We need to do whatever we can so he or she can grow. Everything is going wrong, and I need to stop it.
“Relax, Sydney.” She tries to soothe me. “I know this is a lot to take in, and I have several colleagues weighing in on this, one at Children’s in Philly. There are options, and once they can assess your condition, and you, they will give you the best course. However, I want you to go immediately. Do you need to call anyone?”
“No, Sierra should be here soon.”
I called her immediately, freaking out and sobbing, and she said she was on her way. It should take her about three hours, but I’ve been here for almost two now. I pray she gets here fast. I need someone to hold my hand and tell me this will be okay.
“Good, do you need to call Declan? I’m assuming he’s ...”
I shake my head. “He is, but Declan didn’t show up or call, so I’m not really inclined to call him until I have more information.”
My hand drops to my stomach where the baby is.
“Okay, then. Do you have any other questions?”
There’s just one. “Do you know if it’s a girl or a boy?”
Natasha’s eyes go soft, and she smiles. “It’s a boy.”
I hold it together until she walks out of the room, but as soon as the door closes, I fall apart and tears stream down my face until I fall asleep.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Sydney
“Today? You want to operatetoday?” I ask the doctor, who I just met a few hours ago.
“Right now, where everything is located, it’s imperative that we don’t wait. I worry about blood flow to the baby, which could lead to other complications. This is a very rare condition, Ms. Hastings. The size of your tumor is the concern. The last thing we want is for it to get bigger. I know it’s scary, but I wouldn’t rush into this if I thought there was another option.”
“Right. No. I … I get it.”
“Syd,” Sierra’s voice sounds strangled as she grips my hand. “If they think ...”
I know what she’s saying, and she’s right. If they weren’t concerned, I wouldn’t have been transported immediately to Philadelphia.
I don’t know that I’ve ever cried so much. In the hospital, in the ambulance, now here, it’s just constant tears. I’ve cried for the baby, for myself, for the fact that Declan isn’t here with me. I need him here. This is his baby too, and he’s in New York.
I’m angry at all of this.
“Can you explain everything again?” I ask.
He nods and goes over how they came to the diagnosis, what that means for the baby and me, and then what they consider to be the safest course of action. I’m a planner by nature. I have to know that there’s some kind of contingencies as well. No matter how many times he assures me that it’s relatively safe, this is still scary, and it’s surgery while I’m pregnant. This is all happening so fast.
He finishes talking and waits for me to say something.
