Page 85 of Fight for Me
“Yes, cramping is normal while your uterus is stretching.”
Jenna seems focused, so I force myself to focus on staying calm. If there’s something wrong, they’ll tell me. I can’t freak out just because I think there’s some change in the room.
Yet, my instincts won’t allow me to do that.
My throat is tight, and there’s a gnawing feeling in my gut that has nothing to do with the baby.
“Jenna,” I whisper because speaking too loudly seems like bad luck. “Is everything okay?”
“I’m just going to grab the radiologist and have her take a look at something. I don’t want you to be alarmed, which I know is impossible, but know that everything is okay. I just can’t seem to see something, and I want a second person to give it a try, okay?”
I nod because what else can I do? I’m lying on this bed—alone. My head rests on the pillow, and I begin to count. I count because it’s mindless and requires no effort. I get up to one thousand and thirty-five before Jenna and two other women enter.
One of them being Dr. Madison.
“Everything is not okay, is it?”
Dr. Madison comes to the side of the bed and rests a reassuring hand on my shoulder. “We don’t know if what Jenna is seeing is right. I didn’t want you to be alone, so I’m just here for support.”
If she feels that she needed to stand here and hold my hand, I have no comfort because it’s bad.
“What’s wrong with my baby?” I ask as another volley of tears slide down my face.
“Nothing is wrong with the baby, we just see something here,” the other doctor says while pointing to the screen. “This is your placenta, and there’s a shadow that shouldn’t be there. The baby is measuring a bit small, and I’d like to have you sent for another type of ultrasound that will give me a better view of what’s going on.”
I shake my head, trying to push the tears back. “I don’t understand.”
Natasha squeezes my hand. “I want to send you to Lehigh Valley for a test. I’ll call ahead to the team there.”
“Do I need to be scared?”
“Not at this point. The baby is okay, the heart, lungs, and everything is fine. We think it’s better to err on the side of caution when we find anything abnormal on an ultrasound. Does that make sense?” Her smile is soft, and her words are probably meant to be reassuring, but all I hear is “abnormal.”
Here I thought this was going to be a great day. Declan would’ve come, we would’ve seen our baby, found out the sex, and then maybe started to plan differently.
Instead, I got the notification from Milo that the buyer agreed to move up the closing date, Declan is in New York instead of here with me, and now this.
They help me up to a sitting position because I’m shaking too hard to do it myself. I’ve never felt as vulnerable as I do now.
“Do you have anyone who can drive you?”
I shake my head. “No, I can drive.”
“I’d rather you didn’t. You’re upset, so we’ll call for a ride, okay?”
I want to argue, but there’s really no other options. No one other than Sierra and Declan know. I can’t tell Ellie, not with her being pregnant. I could call Devney, but I can’t even think straight.
“I’ll call my sister and have her meet me there so she can drive me back,” I tell Natasha, who nods.
“I’m going to head over there in about an hour.”
An hour of waiting, wondering, and searching the internet for whatever the possibilities are and how serious this could actually be. I can’t lose this baby.
Not when it might be the only thing I ever have of his that won’t leave me.
* * *
The test is done. I’ve only thrown up once since I got here, and I’m now resting in a room. The only comforts I have are that Sierra is on her way and the sound of the baby’s heartbeat is echoing in the room.
