Page 84 of Fight for Me
I gave him a final chance to choose me, and there is no clearer answer than him not showing up today.
I step through the door and force a smile onto my lips.
“Are you ready to see your baby?” Jenna asks as I hop onto the table.
“Yeah, will we find out the sex?”
“If you want me to, I definitely can try. Sometimes they don’t cooperate.”
I smile and fight back the urge to say: then they’d be like their dad. “I understand.”
She goes over what she’ll be looking for and how the appointment should proceed. “Do you have any other questions?”
“I think I’m good. I’m just ready to see him or her.”
Jenna touches my arm. “Are we waiting for anyone?”
I look at the door and then shake my head. “No. I’m doing this on my own.”
“All right.” Her voice is soft and understanding.
I settle a blanket over my legs and then lie back while she dims the lights. After a second, she takes a seat on the rolling stool next to the bed and gently tugs the gown up to expose my belly.
“Your bump is just starting to pop.”
“I’ve been lucky, I guess.”
“With my first, I didn’t start to show until about twenty-three weeks. People just assumed I was eating a lot.” She lets out a light laugh and then holds up the ultrasound wand. “I’m going to start now, if you need me to stop or anything, just let me know.”
“Thank you.”
Jenna puts some goopy stuff on my stomach, uses the ultrasound wand to smear it around, and then she presses the small device firmly against my lower abdomen.
The whooshing sound fills the room, and I turn my head to look at the machine, wondering what the hell that is.
“That’s the baby’s heartbeat.”
“It sounds so fast,” I muse.
“Yeah, it’s much faster than an adult heartbeat. It sounds healthy, though.” She tilts the wand, pushing it around. “That’s the heart there. If you look closely, you can see the four chambers.”
Tears fall because my baby has a heart ... and it beats ... and has all its chambers. I stare at the screen, not really sure of what the hell I’m seeing, but Jenna’s easy smile makes me feel better.
Then I see a face. A little face, but it’s clear as day. There are two eyes, a nose, and a mouth. The baby moves a bit, and the profile is so clear. My hand moves to my lips, and I suck in a breath as more tears fall.
“How can I love him or her already?” I ask.
She smiles and moves the wand around again. “Because you’re a mom.”
“Let me just look around and take some measurements,” Jenna’s voice changes just slightly as she starts clicking keys and nodding to herself.
I think I see an arm, but the kid could be an octopus for all I know with how many times things move, but Jenna seems to be sure of what she’s seeing. She clicks about some more, tilting her head and drifting closer to the screen while she looks at something.
“Is everything okay?” I ask, feeling nervous suddenly.
“I’m just measuring, that’s all.” Jenna smiles and then goes back. “You’re just about twenty weeks, right?”
I nod. “Yes. You know, I had some cramping the last two weeks, but Dr. Madison said it was completely normal.”
