Page 80 of Fight for Me
Connor grabs my arm as I try to move around him. “No, Dec, I’m sorry, it’s not nothing. You have always been the adult, but I’m your brother, not your son. My wedding present from you can be the big fat check you wrote and also you telling me what has you both running away again.”
“I love her.”
“We all know this.”
“I love her, and I told her about Ellie’s parents.”
Connor grips the back of his neck and nods. “You told her everything?”
“After … we … tonight, she was relentless. She wouldn’t give up, and I just kind of snapped and told her.”
Connor sighs heavily and then shrugs. “I’m glad you did. Although, you probably should’ve done it differently. Since, I’m sure you weren’t tactful.”
“No, I wasn’t. But I don’t know if telling her was right.”
“It’s time that we stopped acting as though we did something wrong. Yeah, we made some bad choices, but Dad is the one who was to blame. Look at her.” Connor juts his chin toward Ellie, who is standing inside the barn. “I don’t deserve her. Not for one fucking second am I good enough to walk in the same universe as she does. She’s beautiful, kind, and has given me more than my worthless ass could ever want. But she loves me. She loves you and Sean and even Jacob, God knows why. She lost everything because of that night, and yet, there she stands as my wife. If Ellie could forgive us, then so can Syd and everyone else we’ve pushed away.”
It isn’t that simple, but there is a lot of wisdom in his words. I only wish that we weren’t moving so fast. I’m not ready to be a father, and I had just finally been ready to move forward with her. We all know I don’t deserve Sydney, but I never have.
Everything is so fucking complicated. My instinct is to run after her, but I’m so messed up in the head that I know I won’t say the right thing. I’ll end up pushing her further or making her see that I’m not worth her tears, and I need to fix that first.
All in two days.
She’s the only thing that I’ve ever wanted, and she’s giving me a gift—a child. I wish she had told me sooner. I would’ve ... I don’t know, been there. Then tonight would’ve been different for us in so many ways. Instead, after I told her I loved her and was willing to try, she dropped a bomb on me.
Now I’ve gone and fucked it all up.
“What if she doesn’t forgive me for how I was tonight?” I ask him even though he has no idea that there’s so much more than what he assumes.
“Then you don’t know Sydney at all, brother.”
He’s right. She’s already forgiven me because she knows me. I just need time to get everything together. Then I can prove to her how I feel instead of giving her words she won’t believe. Sydney will take me back, and I’m going to make sure I never disappoint her again.
“When did you get so smart?”
Connor laughs, clapping me on the back. “When I learned that some things are worth fighting for.”
“What’s worth fighting for?” Sean asks as he joins the two of us.
“Sydney,” Connor responds.
“What about Syd?” Jacob asks as he makes his way toward us.
“This is great, all three of you at once,” I say with sarcasm thick in my voice. I love my brothers individually, but when we’re together, it usually ends with someone bleeding or bruised.
Jacob nudges my shoulder and glances around. “Is no one going to clue me in?”
“I just got here,” Sean responds. “I heard this asshole”—he lifts his thumb toward Connor—“say something about fighting for something. And guess what they were discussing?”
Connor smiles as though this is hilarious. “I was just informing our idiot brother that he needs to get his head out of his ass.”
Yeah, but he doesn’t know the whole of it. “It’s easy for you all when you’re on the outside looking in,” I try to defend.
Sean shrugs. “Maybe so, but you’ve been back here for a while now and you’ve yet to accomplish it.”
“Oh, he accomplished something,” Connor adds unhelpfully.
“Wait,” Jacob draws out the word. “Where the hell have you been?”
