Page 8 of Fight for Me
My mother moved off the farm two years ago. My sister got married, had kids, and moved three hours west of Sugarloaf to a new farm. This land has been in my mother’s family for over a hundred years, and I love this place so couldn’t let her sell it, so I ended up taking it over. Well, I sort of took over.
We’ve had the same staff since I was a kid, and they’ll probably stay on board until they die. They run it even though my name is on the deed.
“What are you doing out here, Bean?” Jimmy, the foreman and my godfather, asks.
“Thinking.”
“About the Arrowood boy I’m guessing since I ain’t seen that look in a long time.”
I turn with a sad smile. “He’s back.”
“I heard rumors he would be, but thought there was still time.”
Yeah, we all knew, but it doesn’t make it easier. It’s like when a hurricane forms off the coast. Everyone stands by the television, watching it build and move. Predictions come in, and all anyone can do is wait and pray it doesn’t hit. Then the turn comes and …bam.
I’m in the eye.
“Yeah, a few weeks. But, it’s no big deal. I really don’t care when he comes back since I don’t plan to see much of him.”
He lets out a low chuckle. “Sure, so now you’re lying to yourself?”
I roll my eyes. “It’s better than admitting the truth.”
“Maybe so, Sydneybeans, but you’re much smarter than that. Lies like that never end well. It’s better to cut the head off the snake now.”
The imagery of that makes me laugh. “I thought, by now, it wouldn’t bother me so much. I figured that I would be over him or that being close to him wouldn’t make me want to throw myself into his arms and beg him to love me again.”
He rests his hand on my shoulder and squeezes gently. “Only way to get over it is to finally deal with it. Go on to bed and rest. You’ll think better in the morning. He’s a fool if he doesn’t see the treasure you are.”
Jimmy is like a father to me. He’s been here each day since I was a little girl, and when my father took off fifteen years ago, Jimmy was who gave me paternal advice. When my father never came back, called, wrote, or sent smoke signals, it was Jimmy who made it hurt just a little less.
Although, no amount of love from him could save me from the pain I went through when I lost Declan.
“I wish I could say that any man felt that way, but they always leave.”
Jimmy shakes his head. “Not all, Bean.”
“You’re paid to love me,” I joke.
“Not nearly enough considering the trouble you get into. I seem to remember covering tread marks in the snow a few times when you snuck out.”
I smile, recalling that night. It was impossible to resist going to see Declan. At night, when I felt alone, it was his warmth I craved. I would cry, wishing my dad would come back and love me, while Dec held me close.
And then there were other times I simply wanted to make out with my very hot boyfriend. Still, Jimmy kept my secrets from my mother and then scolded me later.
“I’m not a little girl anymore, and you’re still here.”
He chuckles. “Now it seems I can’t imagine being anywhere else. Go on back to the house and sleep.”
My hand covers his and I nod. “I’ll head in soon.”
Jimmy knows better than to push. He pulls back, and I’m alone again. Maybe he’s right. I need to face Declan and be honest with him and myself. He broke me, and I’m not doing myself any favors by pretending otherwise.
I sit on the cool grass as the sun starts to come up over the tree line. Time passes as I watch the sky become painted in warm pinks and reds as the blues and blacks fade away and I let the new day wash over me. I can do this.
I’m smart, and I’ve gone places in my life too. For a small-town lawyer, I’m accomplished, and I help people. This farm helps people, and I do it all on my own.
“I am a treasure. I’m a good woman who loves you still. If you don’t see that, then screw you, Declan Arrowood!”
