Page 77 of Fight for Me
My heart is pounding, but I try to push aside my own feelings so I can focus on him. I’ve had almost five months to come to terms with all of this while he’s only just been dropped into the water with me.
Still, I want to rail at him, throw something at his head, and knock some damn sense into him.
This feels like another excuse. Yes, he left me. Yes, he says it was to protect me, but he’s never explained it. There’s a reason and I’m not going anywhere without knowing what it is.
“Why did you leave me all those years ago?”
“What?”
“Why did you walk away? What was it that night that made you go?”
I put my armor over my heart and refuse to let anything penetrate it. Not until I have the truth.
“You know why.”
I push back. “Tell me again.”
“Because I didn’t fucking love you!”
“Liar.”
“Don’t call me a liar.”
“Don’t lie to me!” I yell back. “You didn’t love me? Bullshit! If you didn’t, then it would’ve meant nothing when you saw me a few months ago. You wouldn’t have sought me out at the pond. You wouldn’t have tried to make things okay between us. And ...” My breathing is coming in short bursts as the emotions tangle and crash inside me. “You wouldn’t havetoldpeople you love me! I know you love me, you chicken shit! I know it in my goddamn bones.”
“It doesn’t change anything!” His hands are shaking as he reaches toward me, only to pull them back at the last second. “It doesn’t matter that I loved you then or now, I had to leave. I had no choice. I did what was best for all of us. None of us know if I have more of my father in me than we want to believe.”
“You won’t hurt me.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do. Why did you leave?” I push him again.
This might be the only chance I have. Right now, he’s not thinking and the walls he so carefully constructed can’t hold it for too much longer. I need to tear them down and get to the heart of it.
“I told you why.”
“The truth, Declan.”
He shakes his head and tries to move back, but there’s nowhere to go. “It doesn’t matter.”
“I think it does. I think something happened, and you and your brothers decided to leave. I think it had to do with your dad, and whatever it was, it was so bad that you felt you couldn’t tell me, so you walked away instead. Am I right?”
His eyes meet mine with his jaw clenched tight. “Syd.”
“There’s something you’re not telling me, and I’m not letting this go. What happened with your brothers? What are you protecting them from?”
The only thing that would ever cause Declan to walk away had to be something with his brothers. How I couldn’t see it sooner is beyond me, but now that I do, it’s crystal clear.
Declan steps forward, hands still trembling.
I move to him, knowing he’s battling with wanting to tell me, but there’s a deep-seated need to protect those he loves.
“Choose me, Declan,” I beg softly. “Choose us and just tell me what made you walk away eight years ago.”
“Let this go.”
“Why did you leave me? Why did you give up everything? Why didn’t you choose me then?”
