Page 63 of Fight for Me
I see Sierra’s mind working to put the pieces together. I may be a lawyer and good at figuring things out, but Sierra has me beat. She would’ve been an excellent detective.
“Protect you from what?”
“Himself, I guess. I think he believes a lot of his father lives in him.”
She rolls her eyes. “Please, nothing of that asshole is in any of those boys.”
“I agree.”
“Well, then there’s something else. I don’t know what it is or why he’s not telling you, but I don’t believe that, after all the time you were together and planning a life, he suddenly woke up some random day and was like, we’re done.”
I mull that over and try to see it through different eyes. It wasn’t an angle I’d ever looked at before, but maybe something happened that convinced him he needed to walk away from me. I wouldn’t believe for one second that he cheated on me—that type of betrayal isn’t in that man’s blood. Only, it’s the only thing I can think of that would push him to such lengths.
Whatever it was, if it was anything at all, I don’t understand why he wouldn’t just tell me. We had no secrets. My thoughts, my heart, my world was open to him and it was the same way—at least I thought—for him as well. Nothing he could’ve ever said or done would’ve changed how I felt for him.
“Does it really matter?” I ask.
“I don’t know, but it would to me.”
“I guess that’s the point. If he loved me, with his whole heart loved me, then why wouldn’t he come to me with his issue, if there even is one? Why wouldn’t he confide in me and let me help him, like equals?”
Sierra lifts her hands and then lets them fall back to the table. “Far be it for me to try to understand his mind. You would know that better than I would.”
Maybe years ago, but not now. I don’t really know the Declan of today. He’s changed so much and doesn’t laugh as freely or love as openly as he used to. It’s as though a part of him is closed off.
“I’m just saying that, in the end, none of it makes a difference. I’m selling the farm, moving here, and I’m going to have a baby.”
“Yes, but you haven’t sold the farm, moved, or told him about the baby yet,” Sierra points out. Then my sister gives me her smirk that makes me want to choke her.
“Youwere the one who suggested I sell the farm!”
“And when the hell have you ever listened to me?”
I swear that God made sisters as a punishment for Eve and her stupid apple eating. I never would’ve considered listing the farm if Sierra hadn’t suggested leaving town. “Why are you saying this now?”
Sierra shifts in her seat. “Because I don’t want to see you regret it. Yes, it’s time to move on, but you love that town, the farm, and your life in Sugarloaf.”
“I also am going to be alone, with a baby, no help, a farm, a law practice, and a million other reasons that I need to get out of there for.”
“Jimmy would run the farm,” she counters.
“Yes, but he wants to retire. He’s been doing this for a long time, and it’s selfish of me to ask him to stay on. If he left, I’d have to hire someone else and hope to God they do the things we need to sustain the farm. Even then, I don’t know that I can do it. I need my family.”
“What you really need is Declan.”
My head falls back, and I groan. My sister is worse than I am, and I’m pregnant and emotional. Declan isn’t going to give me what I want, so there’s no point in this conversation. “Living by you might just make me finally snap.”
She laughs once. “Please, you snapped a long time ago. Listen, I love you with my whole heart, but no one told you to list the farm the day after I suggested it. I didn’t think you’d actually give it up. You’re the one who dreamed of raising children there and growing old with the cows. I never did. The idea of moving back to Sugarloaf is enough to make my skin crawl.” She shudders as though it does. “I said it because I wanted to see what you’d do.” I open my mouth to say something, but she holds her hand up. “Not that I don’t love you and want you to be closer. God knows it would be great to have someone else around to help deal with Mom, but the point is that I didn’t think you’d actually list it. Threaten it, sure. Maybe talk to a realtor, okay fine, but not do it.”
I glare at my sister, and then suddenly, a wash of sadness comes over me. Tears prick my eyes, and I want to crumple into her arms and just lose it.
“Syd?”
“Why is this so hard?”
Sierra doesn’t hesitate before she wraps me in her arms and presses my head to her shoulder. “Oh, Syd, it’s supposed to be hard. Life is hard and people suck. Things don’t go our way, but we muddle through it.”
I lift my head, feeling stupid for breaking down. “People leave, Sierra. Men leave us. Look at how many times it has happened. I can’t stick around, hoping that he’ll be different. They always leave.”
