Page 56 of Fight for Me
Declan gets to his feet. “Anyone want a beer?”
What I wouldn’t give for one, but I can’t drink. “I’m good. I’m thinking I need to avoid adding alcohol tonight.”
“I’ll go with you,” Connor says and then looks at me and Ellie. “I figure you two will want to talk.”
“Thank you, babe.” Ellie waves as he leaves and then her eyes are on me. “What the hell was that?”
“Keep your voice down,” I whisper harshly. “It was nothing. We just ... we had a good day today. It was nice, and we didn’t fight or talk about the past or me moving. We had fun with Hadley, and I don’t know, maybe it’s just a place of understanding.”
“Oh, I understand, all right.”
I internally groan and look toward where the guys went. Declan is standing at the beer tent, watching me as well.
I feel as though I’m a yo-yo on a string, and it’s crazy. I’d been so sure about my life until he came back. Now, it’s as though, each time I try to sway one way, I find myself being pulled right back to him.
It’s always him, which is why I tried to put up the walls that he scaled so effortlessly.
Maybe it was because they weren’t walls so much as mounds. The truth is, I want him to break through and come to me. I want us to … be something—anything—because I love him.
We may have changed, but my feelings haven’t.
This is why I really shouldn’t be his friend.
Because I will always want more.
I feel so alone, and I need my best friend. “Ellie, there’s so much that I want to say … that I … can’t …”
She places her hand on mine. “You don’t have to explain anything to me, Syd. I’m not stupid. I know that you love him and he loves you. It’s clear to anyone who has eyes, for that matter, but you’re leaving, and ... he’s bullheaded.”
And I’m having a baby.
I glance back over to him, but he’s turned so I can just make out his profile. He’s deep in conversation with Connor, and I wonder if it’s anything like this one.
I turn back to Ellie who watches me with kindness. “I know, and one day, my heart will listen to everything my head is saying.”
Chapter Seventeen
Declan
My body is tight like a bow. The concert is great. After my tongue lashing from Connor about being a better man regarding Sydney, I pulled back and now I feel like I’m drowning.
I’m standing on the other side of Connor and Ellie, working hard to focus on Emily Young’s voice and songs instead of how much prettier Sydney is.
I fail at accomplishing this task.
Instead of being lost in the lyrics of whatever horrible misfortune this country singer is telling, I watch Syd swaying gently to the music. Her blonde hair falls in waves down her back and reminds me of wheat in the wind, moving as though it can’t resist.
I want to run my fingers through the silky strands and feel her body against mine, but that would be wrong on so many levels.
Still, I move toward her, and then I hear my brother. “Don’t do it, Dec,” Connor says quietly as he holds Ellie protectively in front of him.
My heart stops, and I stay in place. I can’t do it. He’s right. It would undo all the progress we made today.
The lights go down and just a single spotlight stays on Emily. “I’d like to sing a song that you might know. I wrote it when I was head over heels in love with a man who wouldn’t make up his mind. Anyone know someone like that?” The crowd hoots and claps. “I thought you might. Anyway, I loved him, and I knew he loved me, but I couldn’t handle the pain of him rejecting me each time we got close.”
Jesus.
I want to flee, but my feet stay rooted.
