Page 42 of Fight for Me
I step back, needing a bit of space. “Do you think he regrets it?”
“He should. If he doesn’t, then he’s a bigger fool than either of us already know him to be. He punished you and Sierra when you did nothing wrong. How he can stay away from his kids is beyond me, but not to know his grandkids? Well, that’s just unforgivable.”
For a second, panic grips me, and I wonder if he knows, but then I remember that my sister has two boys. “I keep trying to tell myself it doesn’t matter, but it does.”
“I don’t think any child can not care when a parent doesn’t love them. I lost my mother when I was an infant and not having her in my life changed me. But you and Sierra had Hal in your life for years before he left. You’d be lying to yourself if you didn’t think that would change you.”
I swallow back the fear that bubbles up. This is what I stress over regarding the baby I’m carrying. Wouldn’t it be better for him or her to never know Declan than to face knowing he didn’t want them?
“But did it make me better?”
He smiles, touching my cheek. “It made you strong.”
Funny that a few minutes ago he was saying I was running. “Strong enough to sell the farm.”
He chuckles and shakes his head. “I guess you got me there.”
The back screen door creeks open, and I jump before seeing dark brown hair and green eyes I would know anywhere appear. “Sorry, I knocked on the front door, but no one answered.”
Declan grins when he sees Jimmy. The two of them shared a bond that was deep, and I think Jimmy was as heartbroken as I was when we split up. He lost Declan the same as I did.
“Declan Arrowood, as I live and breathe.” Jimmy steps toward him, arms wide.
“I’m so sorry, Jimmy,” Declan says, embracing him.
“You were a man.” Jimmy’s voice is thick with emotion. “Don’t apologize for making a choice, son, even if it was the wrong one.”
“Not all of us are as smart as you.”
Jimmy’s deep throaty laugh fills the room. “That’s the truth if I’ve ever heard it.”
Declan claps his hand on Jimmy’s shoulder. “How are you feeling?”
The two fall into an easy conversation, and I slip out to give them some privacy. I head up to my room, grab my sweater, and then tidy up a bit.
The bed has been in the same place since I was fourteen and still faces the window. I always wanted to be able to see him if he visited at night. I convinced Jimmy that every girl should have a reading area, so we turned the bay window that was there into a nook that had cabinets and a padded bench. It was perfect for Declan to drop down onto.
Does he recall the nights he would sneak into my bedroom and hold me as I cried? I glance out the window, looking at the oak tree that no longer has the long branch he would climb. I cut that down two months after he left me, once I realized he wasn’t coming back.
I turn my back to the window and sigh.
It’s weird having Declan in my house again. I’m doing what I can not to think about it, but that makes me think even more.
Being near him makes everything so real again. The pain and the love I felt for him wasn’t gone, but I could live around it. Now, it’s undeniable.
My hand rests on my belly, thinking of the life that grows there. As soon as I sell the house, I’m going to tell him. At least then, I’ll be detached from the memories and ready for the next phase of my life. There’s no point in staying in Sugarloaf if I won’t have a life with him.
It wouldn’t be fair to any other man I met. The memories that haunt me are in this home, this town, this room. I need to free myself of it so I can forge ahead.
“You okay?”
I jump at the sound of Declan’s voice. “You scared me.”
“Sorry about that. Wow, this room is ... incredible.”
While some of the room is the same, other things are different. The bedding, draperies, and the ugly striped wallpaper are gone. Now, it’s much more me ... a little bit rustic, a little bit glamorous, and a love of style. I look around at the dark gray paint that has pops of yellow and teal to make the space feel bigger. I hung a chandelier over the bed that has crystals shooting prisms everywhere and when the fireplace is on, it’s magical. The last thing I did was add a built-in bookcase made of pipe and barn wood to give it a bit of farmhouse.
“Thanks.”
