Page 32 of Fight for Me
“My goal is to sell it quickly,” Sydney says and then bites her lower lip.
I push down the urge to run my finger across her mouth and pull that lip out of its restraints before I kiss her. I shove my hands into my pockets to avoid doing just that. “I can help, Syd.”
She eyes me curiously and then releases a sigh through her nose. “This goes against my plan to avoid you at all costs.”
Avoiding her when she’s this close is like telling my lungs not to breathe. I can try for a bit, but eventually, the need is too strong to resist.
“And I thought you wanted to be civil.” I try for a casual tone, hoping I pull it off.
“Yes, well, we don’t seem to manage civility very well.”
“No, I guess we don’t, but this could be the jumping point of our new friendship.”
Sydney kicks a rock, sending it flying down the dirt drive. “It’s sad, isn’t it?”
“What is?”
“That we’ve been reduced to this. Two people who used to say anything to one another are now struggling to speak. There wasn’t a topic that was off-limits, and I used to know you as well as I knew myself,” Sydney says, still not looking at me.
Only, I don’t need to see her face to know what’ll be there. Her blue eyes will dull a bit, like they do when she’s sad, and she will be biting the inside of her cheek. Still, I wait because I want her to see me.
After a few seconds of her avoiding me, I step closer and use my finger to tilt her chin up, forcing her to stop looking at the ground.
Our gazes lock, and I swear it’s as if I’m thrown back in time. She still has this beautiful innocence that cuts through me, reminding me of the way I fell in love with her without a chance of stopping it.
I may not want to get married or have kids, but my heart and soul have always belonged to one person, and it never will be anyone else’s.
“I think we might still know each other that way.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t know you anymore. I don’t know this man who doesn’t want to love or can’t love. That wasn’t who you were.”
“It’s who I had to become.”
The truth of it all is this is probably who I always should’ve been. Loving Sydney was a mistake because she’s always deserved so much more than I could give. The accident took a part of me and having to hold it in for all these years, letting it eat away at me, has forced me to become hardened.
“Why?”
I look at her, my heart pounding as I try to tell her without saying it. “A single moment can define a lifetime. My father taught me that lesson, and I couldn’t stay here and hurt you.”
There isn’t much more I can say because none of it was fair. It was horrible, and I destroyed what could’ve been a very different life. Now, though, with this new hope for a piece of her—just a piece—I know that I need to tell her everything about the past.
“And the decision you made in that moment defined my life.”
“I was letting you go.”
She laughs once and steps back. “You knew me better than that. You knew my heart was always and forever going to be yours.”
“I didn’t deserve it.”
“Maybe not, but”—she shrugs—“it was yours, and I guess the worst part is ... that it still is.”
My throat is closing as I stare at her, wanting to confess my heart is hers too. If I were a better man, I’d fall to my knees, beg her to forgive me, and promise her whatever she wants. But she’s leaving. She wants to sell the farm and move on to a life that I will never be a part of. While what I said to Connor was harsh, it was the truth. I don’t want a wife and kids.
She does.
It would be cruel to take another thing away from her.
Sydney watches me before she gives me a sad smile. “I’ll take your help on selling the farm. I’d like to be out of here as soon as possible.”
