Page 25 of Fight for Me
“He doesn’t want me, just like every other guy.” She takes my hand and then slaps me on the back of the head with her free one. “Oww, what the hell was that for?”
“For being an idiot. If you came here for me to coddle you and tell you how Dad was stupid and he really did love us and all that shit, then you have lost your mind. Declan isn’t like every guy because none of them are the same. And he is nothing like the sperm donor.”
Sierra is older than I am, and when our father left, it was different for her. Where I was crushed, feeling abandoned and unloved, she really didn’t care. To her, Dad wasn’t good enough for us. Any man who chose to leave could just move on. I didn’t feel that way.
I resented my mother for pushing him away for a while. I thought that, if she didn’t fight with him all the time, he would’ve stayed. I was young, stupid, and naïve.
Sierra, though, she never shed a tear over him leaving. Where I’ve cried enough to fill another pond.
“When did you join team Declan?”
“Never. I’ve been team anything. I know that you both were stupid and young. Yeah, it would’ve been great if things worked out, but you were kids!”
“We were in our twenties! I loved him, Sierra. I loved him, and I still fucking love him!”
“Mouth!” She hisses as she looks for the kids.
“Sorry.”
She shifts in her seat and then squeezes my hand. “He left you, and it broke your heart, but look at what you’ve done with your life. You’re smart, successful, and you run two businesses in that damn town.”
I know she’s right, but there’s a part of me that is still hollow. It’s like the old tree on our farm that’s still standing. The outside trunk looks tall and secure, but the inside is empty.
Except for the life that’s growing.
“I’m pregnant,” I blurt out.
Sierra’s jaw drops, eyes not blinking for a few seconds, and I wait. “You’re pregnant?”
“Yup.”
“But … you don’t even … I mean … are you dating someone?”
I shake my head and then look down at my feet. “No, it’s Declan’s.”
I hear the air push from her lips. “Declan? Wow. Okay. How? When?”
Seems she can only manage one word at a time.
“When he came home a few months ago, we saw each other at the pond. It just…happened.”
“That fucking pond.”
My eyes find my sister’s, and I nod. “That pond.”
“We should fill it in.”
“Doesn’t do much good now.”
Sierra bobs her head slowly. “Did you tell him?”
And there’s the crux of it all. “No, I saw him, heard him say some things, and left.”
She leans back in her chair, looking a little less combative and a lot more sympathetic than before. “What did he say?”
Tears form in my eyes as I relay the conversation that I can’t stop hearing in my head.
“I will never be a father, and I make damn sure of that because it’s the last thing I want.”
