Page 13 of Fight for Me
When I push open the door, Ellie and Connor turn to me. I try to smile softly because my best friend is going to have a baby with the man she loves. There is joy there.
I see the questions in her eyes, and I shake my head, not sure if she’ll interpret that as a, no, I’m not pregnant or, no, I can’t talk about it. Either way, she and Connor deserve this moment. I hand her the test she took and kiss her cheek.
My eyes meet Connors, and I grin at the unmistakable look of fear in his eyes. He’s a good man, and he loves Ellie. I’m happy that out of the two of us, one will be happy. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow. I need to go.”
“Syd?” Ellie calls my name.
The tears I’ve been fighting to hold back are pooling. If I speak, I’ll surely break down. Instead, I touch her arm, squeeze just a bit, walk outside, and then drive away.
Only, I don’t get any farther than the end of their driveway before I have to pull over. I lean my head back against the headrest, feeling alone and scared and completely confused, and breathe through my nose.
Okay, I can do this. I have a good life, money, a great job, and I’m going to take another ten pregnancy tests so I can prove this one is faulty and I’m late because I have a tumor.
I let out a soft chuckle.
It’s a sad day when I’m wishing I had a tumor instead of being pregnant, but that isn’t what I really want.
The truth really slaps me in the face. I want this baby. I have spent my entire life wanting to have a family with Declan. I’ve dreamed of it, imagined a daughter with blonde hair and those green Arrowood eyes. The little boy with his mischievous smile and my brains.
It has been my fantasy for so long.
I just didn’t want this baby this way.
My hand falls to my belly, and I rest it there. “You can’t be real,” I whisper. “I may want you, but I can’t have you.”
I can’t have a baby with Declan when he’ll never want it. He isn’t going to stay in Sugarloaf. He’s planning to get back to his fancy life in New York at the earliest possible second. He knows I know that, which makes me wonder if he’ll think I planned this.
Not that I asked him to come to my pond and fuck me senseless, but still, I didn’t stop him.
God, Ibeggedhim. I actually begged.
My hand hits my forehead, and I groan.
I need a plan.
I drive home and find Jimmy waiting by the barn, arms crossed over his chest and the cowboy hat he’s had since I was six on his head. I push down all the crap floating in my head because Jimmy has this weird way of seeing inside my mind. Right now, I don’t need anyone knowing what I’m thinking.
“Hey, Jimmy.”
“Bean.” He dips his head. “Have a good day?”
I force a smile onto my lips. “It was ... enlightening.”
I’m not lying, but I’m not elaborating either.
“Same here. We lost another farmhand today.”
I release a heavy sigh. It’s nothing new, but it’s irritating nonetheless. I don’t have time between my job and volunteering with the fire department as an EMT to manage the farm. That’s what Jimmy does.
However, when I took over, I knew I would need to have some involvement, and since I’m pretty good at reading people, the hiring and firing became my thing.
“Who was it?”
“The new guy.”
I laugh without humor. “They’re all the new guy to you.”
We have thirteen employees on the farm, and even though some have been here for twenty years, to Jimmy, it doesn’t matter.
