Page 107 of Fight for Me
My head tilts to the side as I wait for further explanation.
“When you were … sleeping … Declan was beside himself. I have never seen anyone so devoted to anything as Declan was trying to get you to wake. He talked to you almost constantly, and he just wouldn’t give up.”
I’ve heard this so many times that I can’t help but believe it, but I don’t fully trust it. Declan has proven me wrong time and time again. He’s failed me when it mattered most, and he has a bad habit of pulling away when he thinks it’s best.
There isn’t a part of my heart that doesn’t believe he has good intentions, but the sudden decision to repair our relationship has me most worried.
“It’s not that I don’t love him, because Lord knows that has never gone away for me. I worry about what kind of future I can expect.”
“Once upon a time, a very good friend of mine told me I was being an idiot for letting Connor go. She told me about how she would give anything to have the other half of her heart back.”
I inhaled deeply through my nose and ignore her tone. “Ellie, it’s not that simple.”
“It never is.”
“And what happens if he leaves again? And did you know he bought my damn farm?”
“No. He told no one until the day of your surgery.”
Seems I wasn’t the only one keeping a secret from the people around us.
“Well, even if he told you, I wouldn’t expect you to say anything.”
She squeezes my hand gently. “I still would’ve.”
I have the best friends ever. Between Ellie and Devney, I don’t have to worry about anything. They’ve been here, even though they have their own lives to worry about, and have offered their unwavering support. “Are you feeling okay?” I ask her.
“I’m great. The baby is good, we decided not to find out the sex.”
My eyes widen in surprise. “Uh, what?”
“I didn’t know with Hadley and there was some fun in it. Connor said he was fine to leave it as a surprise. I think he’s worried about the house, Hadley, you, his brothers … we haven’t had time to fret over it. We know he or she is healthy and moving around in there.”
“You’ve felt the baby?” I ask, sitting up just a bit. I’ve been waiting and hoping, but it hasn’t happened.
“Yeah, it started a few weeks ago.”
“Oh,” I can hear the desolation in my tone.
“Syd, I’ve had a baby, so I know what it feels like. Do you get this butterfly type sensation at all? Like something is just … fluttery or bubbly but you can’t tell if it’s indigestion or gas?”
I nod. “Constantly.”
“That’s him!”
“Really?” That’s sort of underwhelming. “I thought it would be more pronounced.”
Ellie laughs. “Oh, it will be. I’m already feeling it more and more. Now that you know, it’ll be more noticeable. At night, when it’s quiet and I’m lying in bed, I feel it most.”
Well, I’ve been in bed forever, and I don’t feel anything all that wondrous.
“I’m happy for you, Els.” She looks at me with a hint of puzzlement on her face. “I mean that you and Connor are happy. You have Hadley, the house, and the baby coming. It’s the life you were always meant to have.”
Ellie releases a breath through her nose. “I’m going to say this with all the love in the world. You’re a dumbass. Declan wants to give you all the same. He bought the farm because he was worried you would regret it and knew that, if he owned it, you wouldn’t lose it. He was by your side not out of obligation but because he couldn’t be away from you. All the things you’ve ever wanted are right in front of you. He’s there, Syd. His arm is outstretched, you just have to take it.”
My heart knows she’s right.
It’s my head that holds the fear, though, and it’s telling me that he’s dropped it before too.
