Page 86 of All I Ask
“Thanks. You look good too.”
And he does. Derek has always been good-looking, but man, has he aged well. There’s a sexiness about him that I don’t remember when we were younger. He grew into himself. His body was a little disproportionate and he wasn’t quite sure what looked good or not. There is zero of that now.
Derek commands the space around him, forcing it to conform around him, making his presence felt everywhere.
It’s sexy.
Very sexy.
The waiter appears, takesour drink order, and informs us of the specials.
“Everyone knows you only order off the pasta section here,” I whisper conspiratorially. I would hate to see him end up with food poisoning.
“I didn’t know that.”
“Oh,” I say with dramatics. “It’s a thing. Last month, Nina ended up violently ill after she thought maybe the chicken was safe.”
“And you suggested here because?”
“Because we live on the island and our choices are limited.”
It’s not like we’re basking in options. In the winter, it’s slim pickings. We get what we get and eat in if we don’t like it.
“I forget sometimes what it’s like living here.”
“Yeah, South Carolina was a bit different, huh?”
“Much.”
“Do you miss it?”
Derek shrugs. “Not all of it. I miss my house and my practice.”
“It must’ve been hard to leave.”
“My dad needed me. He’s not as healthy as he’d like to believe and, honestly, I needed to be around family. I’m so out of my league with Everly, and my mother seems to connect with her. We were alone down there. I worked crazy hours, and leaving Everly home with the neighbor for hours wasn’t fair.”
“We do what we have to as single parents.”
He nods. “I didn’t have to stay there. I could’ve come back the day Meghan died. I worked because I needed to stay busy. I immersed myself in my practice so that I could avoid the questions and people who wanted to know how I was feeling. How do you tell people you’re upset but then there’s relief too?”
I wish I could answer that for him, but I don’t think he really wants that. He’s been holding this in, and for some reason, he trusts me enough to let it go. “I’m sorry.”
“That’s the thing, I’m not…at least not for me. I’m sorry for Everly. I’m sorry for Meghan’s parents, who are still devastated and can barely look at Everly now. I’m sorry that she had to go so soon because she didn’t deserve to die. But…”
“But?”
“I’m not sorry for me. And that is the most horrible fucking thing I can ever say.”
It feels wrong to offer words of comfort to him, but it also feels wrong to chastise him. Instead of doing either, I reach my hand across the table and hold his hand. I offer him no judgment, just friendship.
“You know, I was dreading moving back here. I fought against it so hard because I knew. I knew you’d be here and because…”
“…because?”
Our eyes meet and I don’t need him to finish the statement, I already know. As much as I’d like to be angry, I get it. I would’ve spent the rest of my life avoiding him too if I had the option. There’s a lot of things we’ve had to deal with and we’re not done yet.
“Because it’d be easier than seeing you and having you hate me.”
