Page 84 of All I Ask
“I keep thinking it didn’t happen, but I know it did.” Everly’s lip quivers.
“I wish none of it happened and your mother was still alive.”
She sniffs and wipes her eyes. “I don’t want you to replace her.”
“That’s not what I’m doing,” I tell her. “I’m not replacing your mother, there is no replacement for her.”
Everly takes a step back. “Then you won’t date Teagan?”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying.”
Her sadness is gone and it’s now replaced with anger. I understand on some level how she feels. I can’t imagine my father dating if he ever lost my mother, but then again, their marriage is nothing like mine was.
While I may have just lost Meghan, she hasn’t been mine for a long time.
There is nothing wrong with what I’m doing right now.
“You’ve never cared about what I want anyway, why should you start now?” she says and then rushes out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
I sit on the bed, wondering if this is wrong. Should I do what she asks and cancel? Am I being a bad parent because I want to move on with my life or because after all this time, I feel again?
There’s a soft knock on the door, and I don’t have to ask who it is. “Come in, Mom.”
“Sorry, honey, I overheard Everly.”
“What am I supposed to do?”
She sits on the bed beside me. “What do you want to do?”
I look at her because I honestly don’t remember the last time anyone asked me that. “I don’t know.”
“Don’t you?”
“No. Yes. I don’t…”
“You don’t know who you are anymore, Derek.” Mom waits for me to respond, but I can’t. “It’s not a bad thing, we all go through this. Lord knows I did after you left for college. When we lose something or someone who defines a part of us, we have to redefine ourselves.”
My mother doesn’t know the truth about my marriage. I’m sure she assumed a lot and probably knows more than I’d like to believe, but I’ve never told her the truth.
“I wish it was that simple.”
She smiles softly. “Nothing is simple. But when someone makes you feel better in this world, they’re a chance worth taking.”
“You mean Teagan?”
“Sweetheart, you and Teagan have always been like two planets orbiting one another. When you told us you were getting married, do you know I thought it was to her?”
“You never…”
“Of course I never said anything, and when you stopped talking to her, I assumed it was because Meghan had the same concerns.”
I will never underestimate my mother again. “Yes.”
“She was probably right to be doubtful, but it was sad for Teagan, don’t you think?” And me. It was sad for everyone all around. “I would hate to see you hurt her again because of Meghan. The words you heard tonight from Everly weren’t hers. They were her mother’s. We both know it and now you get to decide if you’re going to allow someone else to dictate who you love or whether you’re finally going to listen to your heart.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Teagan
