Page 7 of All I Ask
I always knew this. I never wanted to live the rest of my life with him. I loved him, but he nevergotme. Keith wanted a girl who would be his constant cheerleader, not someone who wanted a career or had goals outside of him.
I wanted Derek to be my forever.
“Yes, but as a professional football player, he could’ve at least given you a nice life.”
“One filled with regrets and probably a few mistresses.”
She lifts her shoulders and then drops them. “Regrets are better than loneliness and solitude. Surely, you could’ve found someone else by now.”
I huff. “I don’t want to talk about my dating life.”
“Well, it would be hard to, since you don’t have one! When is the last time you went out with anyone? Two years? More? If you at least became a nun I could understand it.”
“What’s the point? The tourists are here for a week tops, the local people are…well, not my type, and what do I have to offer, Mom? What part of my life screams: date me?”
She tilts her head to the side with a sad smile. “You were pretty in high school.”
“Were?”
“You still are.If you put some more effort in, it might help.”
My jaw drops open. “Gee, Mom. You’re really a great ego boost.”
“You know I think you’re beautiful. Everyone says you look like me.”
I’m glad for a break in the conversation. I can handle this version of my mom. “Yes, we could be twins.”
Mom lifts her shoulder and turns her head with a smirk. “I mean…we have gorgeous hair.”
I laugh and sway my head side to side, allowing the blond locks to have that authentic beach wave. “That’s totally going to be what wins them over. Our hair is every man’s dream.”
Mom moves closer, pulling me into her arms. “I love you, darling. No matter what you think. I know I’m hard on you”—she leans back, and her voice softens—“but it’s only because I want better for you than what you have right now.”
I fight back the emotion bubbling up in my chest. “I’m really okay.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.” I lie because it’s easier than telling her the truth. She won’t understand that nothing in my life, other than Chastity, is okay.
I’m falling, and it feels like nothing will stop the descent at this point. I just don’t know how badly I’ll be broken once I reach the bottom.
***
“How was school today?” I ask Chastity as we sit at the table for dinner.
This is the one tradition from my childhood that I will always keep. As a kid, I hated it, but as a mother, I get it. No matter what we have going on in our lives, we always sit down and have dinner together.
“It was…fine.”
Totally not buying it. “Just fine?”
She shovels food in her mouth, probably trying to keep me from asking her more, but she should really know better.
“Chas?”
Her eyes lift and then she shoves more food in. “I hate that nickname.”
Okay, it’s going to be like that.
