Page 63 of All I Ask
Now I’m a country song. God help me.
“You’re about to forfeit if you don’t spit it out.” I need to keep this going or my mind is going to get me in trouble.
Thinking is bad because right now, I’m thinking about how cute he looks as he’s in his head. How his hair is darker than I remember and his lips just a bit fuller.
I wonder if he sees the little things in me too. Does he wish we could go back in time and tell each other everything?
My head turns toward him as he stares at his drink. “Hmmm…”
I return to my line of thinking as I wish I had the courage to ask him.
Do you?
Do you think about me? Do you think about how we could’ve been? Do you wish it was all different? Do you see how my heart is still broken? Do you see that I never stopped loving you?
“What?” Derek’s eyes are on mine and my heart races.
Please tell me I didn’t say any of that out loud.
“What?”
“What did you say?”
“I didn’t say anything,” I stammer.
“I heard you.”
“Then why are you asking?” I toss back.
I can’t believe I said it aloud. I have to get out of here. My feet hit the ground and I grab the last shot, tossing it back. “You win.”
There’s no way I can ever look at him again. I’m mortified. As quickly as my drunk legs will take me, I get outside the bar. The cold air hits me in the face, sobering me a bit.
“I’m so stupid,” I whisper to the wind.
“Teagan.” Derek’s hand is on my arm.
“Please, you don’t have to say anything.”
“I think I do.”
“No, I’ve been drinking and we were just…it was stupid and I…just let me go and tomorrow we can pretend that this didn’t happen.”
Derek’s eyes are soft and pleading. “Ask me…”
“Ask you what?”
His hands are on my arms, holding me to him, and I’m taken back in time. We stood like this so many times. Anytime life got overwhelming and we needed someone to ground us. Anytime we needed a friend who wouldn’t judge the other for speaking the truth. I could be me, awkward, embarrassed, or anything else, and Derek would be there.
“Ask me, Tea.”
I know if I speak that the answer will break my already shredded heart. For so long I’ve wanted to utter these words, and now he’s here, holding me, touching me, and I’m drunk enough to let myself be free if I can find the courage.
But I’m not fearless. “I can’t.”
And then, before I can breathe or speak, his lips touch mine and I’m gone. My mouth moves against his and I steal his air. I need it to fill me, give me everything I’ve missed for so long.
He’s the piece of me that’s been lost. He’s the love that I’ve been desperate for. Kissing him is nothing like I imagined. I thought it would be soft and sweet, but there’s nothing gentle about him. He pushes me, kisses me as though it’s the only thing he can do.
