Page 33 of All I Ask
Meghan steps back. “Do you love Teagan that way?”
I can’t tell her. I can’t lose her and as much as it pains me to lie to her, it’s the only way I can spare her feelings even a little.
“No.”
“Have you ever?”
My eyes widen and as much as I want to deny it and protect her, I can’t.
“I did or I thought I did. I don’t know.”
A heartbreaking sound releases from her mouth. “I…I can’t…you…”
“I thought I did but it could never work and I had you. It was never a question with us. I knew I loved you. I loved you from the beginning.”
“But you loved her.”
“This isn’t about her. It’s about you and me.”
“No.” She throws her hands up. “No, it’s always about her. I’ve tried so hard to understand your friendship and accept it, but I can’t do this. I have to go.”
“Go?”
“Yes. Leave. I’m leaving.”
“Meghan.” I move in front of her. “Don’t do this. I swear, it’s not like that. I love you, damn it. I love our life. Our baby. Everything we have. Please, you can’t leave.”
She wipes the tears that paint her face. “I can’t be the third wheel in my own marriage, Derek!”
“You’re not.”
“No?”
I’ve fucked this up so bad, but the idea of losing her proves that what we have is real. It’s not a fantasy I’ve made up in my head. Meghan is my life.
“I don’t know that I can do this. I don’t know that I can be around her.”
My heart begins to race even faster. I know where this is going. “Around Teagan?”
“I don’t trust you now. I don’t trust her and you. I can’t be worried all the time. Those words will be in my mind forever. Seeing how you feel about her is too much.”
“I don’t feel that way,” I try to remind her, but she isn’t hearing that.
“Even if you’re telling me it’s not true now, there was some part of you that thought it was. I feel like you betrayed me and our marriage.”
Jesus Christ. I wrote about my feelings because I wasn’t strong enough to put them aside, and I hoped putting them down on paper would make them go away. I hurt Meghan when she did nothing wrong.
“Meghan, please, I would never cheat on you.”
She points to the journal. “You did. In your heart, you betrayed me.”
My own tears fall because I despise myself for hurting her. I look at the pain in her eyes, wanting to take it all away, willing to do anything to make this better. “What can I do? What can I do to prove that it’s you I love?”
Her eyes are no longer sad, they’re filled with determination. “If you want this marriage to work, you have to cut her out of your life. Completely. It’s me or her, you choose.”
Chapter Twelve
Teagan
