Page 124 of All I Ask
“No, she wasn’t. She was really kind.”
In many ways, Meghan was a lot like me. We were both popular, smart, and athletic, but Meghan had the courage to always be nice—at least in college from what I knew. We used to joke with Derek that he was still trying to fit in with the cool kids. I knew the truth though—he was a million times better than I was and I was trying to not let him figure it out. I was always afraid he’d see the truth and walk away.
I haven’t thought about that time in my life in so long. It had to have been horrible for her to make him hurt me.
She tucks her hair behind her ear. “I really miss her.”
“Of course you do, honey. She was your mom and loved you very much.”
She nods.
“I’m sorry that you’ve lost her.”
Everly is a good kid, I don’t doubt that. She is overwhelmed with feelings that she doesn’t know how to handle. When I look back at the meanest people in school, they were often the ones in the most pain. They cried out because it was easier than sitting in the hurt.
I believe it’s the same with Everly.
She lashes out because it’s the best way to hide from her grief.
“Me too.”
“Well, if you ever want to hear stories or talk about her, I’m here.”
Her brown eyes are filled with unshed tears. “Why did you guys stop talking?”
This isn’t something I feel right telling her. “Because when we’re young, we think with our hearts and forget to hear with our head.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
I laugh. “When you’re older it will. You don’t have to feel like I’m trying to take your mom’s place. I don’t want your dad to forget her. I’m just me, and all we can do is be kind, right?”
Everly’s eyes widen. “Mom said that.”
I nod with a grin. “I know.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Why do you paint?”
The question brings me up short. I haven’t told her that I paint, but it’s also not top secret. Her father may have told her or even Chastity.
“I paint because the world I see isn’t the one I’m living in. So, I make the canvas into what I hope it could be. It’s hard to see things sometimes, and when I have my brush, I’m able to open my heart just a bit.”
“What if you don’t like the world no matter how you’re looking at it?”
So deep for such a young girl. I smile wistfully, wishing that she saw things easily at her age. “Then you get to create what you want or you get to paint it as ugly as it is and accept it.”
Everly looks out the window. “I don’t really feel like there’s much pretty right now.”
It’s got to be so hard to be her age and feel that way. “You know, you’re not that different from Chastity in a lot of ways. I know you don’t think so, and when I was your age I would’ve totally laughed in my face if I were you, but…” I pause, hoping she’s still with me. “In a lot of ways, she lost a parent and had very little choice in how things went.”
“And now you do?”
“No,” I tell her with all the honesty I have. “I don’t. I had to drop out of school, raise a kid on my own, and I work for my parents. I want you to see that when you’re at the top, there’s nowhere to go but down. And the top of middle or high school is really not that great.”
It’ll probably all fall on deaf ears, but at least I tried.
