Page 113 of Come Back for Me
When Sydney sits back, there’s a sort of smugness coming from her that I don’t understand. “I got all night . . .”
What the hell is her point?
So what if I got angry with Connor and I never could with . . .
“I was able to be angry,” I say as it hits me.
She grins. “If you didn’t trust him, you never could’ve yelled. You would’ve run or shut down, but you didn’t. I know that you’re angry, and you have every right in the world to be, but ask yourself if you want to spend the rest of your life trying to find a man even half as wonderful as Connor. You have a chance at a real family with him. He loved Hadley before he knew she was his blood. I don’t know many men like him, Ellie. I’m not saying you don’t have a right to be hurt, but be hurt together and find a way through it.”
“And what if he doesn’t want me back because I left him?”
“Then he isn’t the man I think we both know him to be.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Ellie
“Can you watch Hadley until I get back?” I ask already getting to my feet.
“Of course, but where are you going at four in the morning?”
I force a mangled smile and rise to my feet. “I’m going to go see the two people who I need to talk to and hope they’re listening.”
I know that I will never find anyone like him again. He is my once in a lifetime. The problem isn’t whether I love him or not, because I will love him for the rest of my life. It’s finding a way to let it go.
And there’s only one place I can think to go.
Sydney pulls me into her arms. “I’m so sorry you’re hurting, Ellie. No one in this world deserves it less than you. But I want you to know that, while it’s no excuse for Connor to lie to you, those kids had it rough growing up and it screwed with their heads. I also want you to remember that I know how you feel right now, and that, even after eight years, there isn’t a day that goes by I don’t wish I could go back and make Declan mine again.”
And that’s what I worry about. The regret that letting him go will leave a gaping hole in my heart forever.
“I appreciate that.”
She smiles, a look of understanding fills her eyes. “Go, I’ll watch Hadley.”
“Thank you, Syd.”
“Anytime. Go find your answers, and then ask yourself if your life is better or worse without Connor Arrowood? Chances are you already know the answer.”
I lean in and kiss her cheek. “I always wanted a best friend. Thank you for being that.”
I rush out of the house and get in the car. The last few days have been hell. My eyes are puffy, my hair is a mess, and my heart is mangled. I think about the question she asked, and I know the answer. My life is worse.
My world is sad and lonely.
He brought richness, love, and understanding into our life.
Connor showed Hadley and I what tenderness is.
All I want is his arms around me.
At night, I’ve clutched the pillow, wishing I could feel his warmth. I know what it feels like to leave someone and it be the right choice, this isn’t that.
I park the car and walk through the cemetery gates with my legs shaking. I’m tired. I’ve been up all night, my nerves are shot, and I feel broken inside.
And I miss him.
If this is what two days feels like, a lifetime without him will be unbearable.
