Page 67 of Come Back for Me
“I have so much to tell you.” My voice shakes. “A confession of sorts to the people who raised me to do better. I married Kevin, even after I told you I didn’t think I would. I thought he would be like you hoped, but he wasn’t. I think I knew, even in college, that there was something dark inside him. Now, I’m . . . well . . . I’m making changes. Ones that you would be proud of.”
I try to think about what I would say if Hadley were in my situation. I know my mother would place her hand on mine and give it a squeeze. She would tell me that I’m smart and that I know what I need to do, just to get on and do it now.
“I filed for divorce from Kevin after he . . .” My voice trembles as a tear forms. “He hit me. He would’ve killed me, and well, he didn’t because of Connor. I told you about him the last time I was here, only I didn’t know his name. I bet you probably thought I would marry him since I went on and on about him. Then there’s the possibility that he might be Hadley’s father, which is a whole other thing.”
After I left Connor that night, I came here. I laid my soul bare to my parents, knowing I could never tell another soul about what I felt. I was ashamed but also filled with hope. I told them about how he held me, cared for me, and how I was going to be okay now.
“He’s back, and I don’t know what any of it means, but I can’t stop thinking about him. I want to be near him. I find myself dreaming of him during the day and then restless at night, thinking about kissing him again. I worry that it’s too soon to be feeling these feelings.” My hand moves against the cool metal, and I wonder if I’m being crazy. Connor and I haven’t known each other long, and yet, it’s as though no one else in the world has ever known me better. He’s been patient, caring, and kind. I know he wants me—I can see it in his eyes, but he fights it.
We both do.
“I care about him, Mom. I know he cares about me, but what if I’m wrong about him? What if he doesn’t want us if Hadley isn’t his? What if he finds out that Hadley is his and does want a family but I’m too broken? It’s too much, and I’m scared. God, I’m so scared to make the same mistakes, but . . . I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to resist him. And that’s what scares me the most. If only you were here to tell me what to do, Mom.”
* * *
“Are you avoiding me?” Connor’s deep voice causes me to startle as I stand facing the moon.
Once I get my heart to stop racing, I shake my head. “Not any more than you’re avoiding me.”
Hadley went to bed two hours ago, and I worked on papers while Connor was out doing something on the farm. We’ve seen each other in passing since the kiss last night, but it’s been as though we’re orbiting each other, not quite able to stop the spinning. I’ve wanted to talk to him, but we haven’t had time or Hadley has been around.
I was hoping he’d find me out here so we could figure out whatever is going on between us.
“Ahh, that’s where you’re wrong. I’m not doing anything like that, Angel. I’m just working and trying to get this damn barn fixed up so we can move the cows, which your foreman said I needed to do by the end of the week.”
The wind blows, pushing my hair in front of my face, and I pull the blanket that’s wrapped around my shoulders a little tighter. Snow will be here soon, and it makes sense to move the cattle to the closer pasture.
“How did you grow up on a dairy farm and not retain any information about running it?”
Connor shrugs with that swagger I’ve come to look for. “I had no intention of ever living on or running one, so it wasn’t information I cared about.”
I guess that makes sense. “Will you tell me about your childhood?”
“There’s not much to it.”
My head tilts to the side. I don’t believe that for a minute. “You grew up here with three older brothers. There had to be something you can tell me about.”
He moves closer, his eyes looking out at the fields in front of us. “Do you see that tree out there?”
“Yes.”
“That’s where my brother convinced me that I was a descendant of Superman and that flying was in my blood. He also told me that he had a vial of kryptonite, and if I didn’t take my chances on the flying thing, I would die.”
I laugh once and cover my mouth with the blanket. “And did you fly?”
He huffs. “No, and I broke my nose and two ribs. But”—Connor’s grin grows—“the whooping that Sean got for making me do it was almost worth it. I swear that he couldn’t sit for three days.”
“Boys,” I say with a huff.
“You have no idea. We were the town hell raisers. My mother would walk around apologizing and swearing she raised us to do better. But four boys with a lot of time on their hands and wild imaginations were a mixture she couldn’t contain.”
I love hearing these kinds of stories about him. “I wished I had siblings.”
“I wished I didn’t.”
“You would’ve been very lonely on this vast farm with no one to get in trouble with.”
Connor tilts his head to the side. “Maybe you’re right. When my brothers left, it was hard on me. I was stuck here—alone—and I hated it. Although, if Mom had been alive, maybe it wouldn’t have been that way.”
