Page 66 of Come Back for Me
Sydney breaks in, gripping my hand in hers. “Your story doesn’t change based on the ending. There is nothing we can do but tell the truth, Ellie. You’re a strong, beautiful woman who has been through hell. You did what you needed to do for Hadley. You showed her what strength and courage looks like. The verdict doesn’t change that. We have a few months to prepare for all of this, so if he is cleared of charges, we’ll have a plan in place to keep you safe.”
A tear falls down my face because those words from her mean everything. I don’t know that I’ll ever believe them, though. For so long, I thought my truth didn’t matter. I saw myself as weak and stupid. No matter what others have said about me, I thought I deserved it.
I knew better than to marry him.
Hell, I slept with another man the night before I married him because a part of me wanted an out. I was too weak to take it.
I got up, got dressed, and left without taking the chance on Connor.
Now look at me.
My fingers swipe at the tears that continue to fall. “I’m so scared.”
“I know you are, but you’re so brave.”
“It’s not just that . . . for so long, he’s been able to make me do whatever he wants. It’s like this sick game that he plays, and it makes me feel stupid and vulnerable and what if he’s let out that day?” I ask. “What then?”
Sydney’s eyes are filled with concern but also determination. “Then we will all be around to make sure you’re safe. Not that you’ll have to worry because Connor will kill anyone who tries to hurt you or Hadley.”
I look up, fear gripping me so tightly it hurts to breathe. “That’s what I’m afraid of. I’ll ruin someone else’s life because of the mess I’ve made.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Ellie
Iwalk through the grass, dew sticking to my legs as I move closer to my destination. I woke up early, and since Connor and Hadley were already out working on the barn, I thought it was time to come get some much-needed advice from the people I love the most.
It’s been years since I’ve been here. Time that I’ve spent trying to piece my broken life together the best way I could. As the days passed, as time slipped away and my world became more complicated than I ever thought it would be, one thing has always remained steadfast. I love these people, and I know they loved me.
I hold the bundle of white daisies that I picked up on my way, my hand shaking as I get closer. The smell of clean morning air swirls around me, hints of grass and a little bit of cow is inevitable.
Still, I’m transported back to the day I buried them eight years ago.
That day, I stood here alone and sad, feeling as though nothing would ever be the same. And it hasn’t been. The night they died forever altered my life.
That person stole my family and future.
Now, I’m going to get it back.
Just a few more steps and I’ll be able to see the plaques where their names are etched. They’re small, simple, and mark the resting places of the two people who were most dear to me.
I stop, my heart is racing as I stare down.
The grass is overgrown to the point where I can barely make out the names, but there’s a bouquet of dried up flowers lying above them. “Hi, Mom,” I say as I squat, tearing the blades away to reveal what should’ve never been forgotten. “I know it’s been a while and . . . well . . . a lot has happened. I’m hoping you’re watching from above and know that you’re a grandma to a perfect girl. Her name is Hadley because—” I stop speaking as I trace the letters of my mother’s name, Hadley Joanne Cody. “I guess you can guess why. I needed you beside me still. She reminds me of you. She’s smart, funny, has the biggest smile. Dad would love her, too, she’s as curious and clever as he was. You would’ve loved her. You both would have. I’m not sure that you’d be so proud of me, though,” I confess. “You see, I ran away from all the things you taught me about family and respect. I think that’s why I stayed away from here for so long. I was sure you’d think I was foolish. My own heart was breaking because of the choices I made and coming here was the last place I could go, but I was stupid, Mom. You wouldn’t have judged me. You would’ve helped me.”
My mother was the best person in this world. She loved with an intensity that rivaled anything else. I’ve tried so hard to be that way with Hadley. To love her like it was my last day. So many times, I feared it might really be, and I hoped that knowing the love I had for her was so strong that it would get her through.
My own mother loved me that much.
And I still didn’t do right by her.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong like you.” I look over at the gravesite where my father rests. “I’m sorry I didn’t find a man like you, Daddy.”
A tear falls down my cheek. “I’m sorry that I was afraid and wanted to believe I could change someone. I’m sorry that I let the person who took you away go free. I don’t know who was driving that car, but I want you to know that I’ve never forgotten.”
For a while, I had hope. But when the police said they had no information or any reports of damage matching the accident, the case went cold.
As did my heart.
