Page 54 of Come Back for Me
I straighten up a bit and work to make my voice sound confident. “He hit me because he was angry and couldn’t control himself. It’s never okay to do that, you know that, right? It was wrong of him to do it.”
“Is he sorry?”
No, I doubt he was.
“I sure hope so.”
“Does he love us?”
Oh, my heart is breaking apart. “I think he loves you very much.”
Hadley is, of course, too smart to miss that I left myself out. “Does he love you, Mommy?”
“I believe he tries really hard, but . . .” Now I’m going to break her world. “But when you love someone, you never want to hurt them. What he did is never okay to do, and it is never the way you show someone you care about them. Do you understand?”
She looks up at me, and I pray she hears what I’m saying. “I think so.”
I squat down in the field of straw and pray that this little girl will never allow someone to hurt her. “It doesn’t matter if it’s a daddy, a husband, a friend, or someone you don’t know. No one should ever be allowed to hurt you. You should tell someone right away if it happens. Don’t ever be afraid that it’s your fault because it’s not ever your fault.”
Hadley bobs her head but her gaze never leaves mine. “I love you, Mommy.”
“I love you, sweet girl. I want you to know that what happened will never happen again. You and I won’t live with Daddy anymore.”
“Why not?”
Protecting her from the truth has been all I’ve ever done. I don’t want her to hate him, but I want her to see strength from me. She should always understand that the choice I’m making right now may not be easy, but that it’s the right one. I can’t be married to him. I won’t let him be around Hadley and let her think that it’s the way a marriage should be.
“Because I’m not going to stay married to him anymore. We’re going to move out of that house, and we’re going to be okay.”
A tear falls down her face, and I wish I could take it away from her. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No, baby. You did nothing, and neither did I. I’m doing this because I have to protect us. I know it’s scary and a lot to worry about, but I want you to know that I love you very much and I’m going to do whatever I have to so that we’re safe.”
“But doesn’t he love me?”
“Who could resist loving you?” I ask her.
“If he loved me, he wouldn’t want us to leave.”
Telling her was what I feared. I never want Hadley to think this is her fault. “Do you like when Daddy yells at us?”
She shakes her head.
“Me either. I don’t want either one of us to be afraid anymore. You and I, we’re strong girls and no one is going to yell at us anymore. You are the best little girl any mother could ask for and part of my job is to protect you.”
“Will he come back for us?”
“No, he won’t be around us anymore.” No matter what I have to do, I’ll keep that promise. “We’ll find somewhere to live that we both love.”
“Can we stay with Connor?”
I smile softly. Comfort fills my soul that he’s come to mean so much to her. “No, honey. Connor isn’t staying in Sugarloaf for long, and while he’s been very good to us, he has his farm he needs to deal with.”
And I’m not even close to ready at this point for that.
“I think he likes you.”
“I think he likesyou!” I say with a giggle. “You got a tree house on his farm and he’s going for show and tell.”
