Page 34 of Come Back for Me
“You did right. Abuse never ends, hell, even if the abuser dies, you can still feel the effects.”
My eyes lift, and I study him as though there might be something else beneath the surface. “I’m sure I’ll feel this way for a long time.”
“You’ll heal, and I swear, he will never hurt you again.”
“I don’t know how you can promise that.”
Connor pushes away from the rail. “Because he sure as fuck won’t hurt you if you’re in my house. If you choose to go back home, then we’ll come up with a lot of ways for you to protect yourself if he’s released from jail. Either way, tonight, tomorrow, or until you’re ready to leave, you’re safe with me.”
Safe. It’s a word I’ve taken for granted so many times. When I was young, I remember my father always giving me hugs and telling me he would keep me safe. He locked doors, took precautions, and then one day, when I was at college, another car veered into their lane and killed them both. They never found the driver of the other vehicle.
Nothing kept them safe.
When I met Kevin, he fooled us all. My parents loved him, thought he was sweet, wonderful, and told me how lucky I was to have met a man like him in my freshman year of college. He inherited the farm a month before the end of the year, so he and I invited them up to see it.
They were so happy that night. They loved the land, the town, and hoped that I’d maybe live here someday. Then they were killed, and I was hollow. I thought he would fill the void of losing my parents. I was so alone. So sad, wanting for someone to make things a little better. Kevin was there, promises to take care of me, give me love, and a life. I fell for it, hook, line, and sinker until I was on his reel.
Now I feel gutted, just like a fish.
“I appreciate that, but I’m not safe anywhere. Can we not talk about this right now? My mind is . . . well, I can’t handle thinking now.”
“Of course, can I sit with you?” I move over, giving him room, and he settles in beside me on the swing. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you to talk.”
“No, you didn’t. I’m raw and a mess, but you did nothing wrong.”
“You’re not a mess,” Connor says and then starts speaking quickly. “Tell me about Hadley as a baby.”
I look through the window for the hundredth time. I keep checking to make sure she’s really there and that this isn’t some alternate reality I’ve created in my head. Right now, I trust nothing because I’m not really sure I’m alive and this isn’t limbo.
Except for the pain. Surely, there’s no pain in death and there wouldn’t be Hadley.
“Hadley was always, has always been, the best kid. She never fussed as an infant and slept through the night way before I probably deserved her to. It was as if she was following the baby book I read because she hit each milestone when she was supposed to.”
He smiles. “She seems like a good kid.”
“Yeah, she really is. I’ve been so lucky with her. I never really did get to thank you for how you took care of her when she hurt her arm. It means a lot that you cared. I truly appreciate you finding her and getting her home.”
Connor rocks the swing gently. “I would never have let her go like that. She’s been the one thing about coming back to this place that hasn’t been bad. This town isn’t exactly my favorite place.”
“Why is that?”
He shrugs. “A lot of memories here. Lots that I tried to forget and won’t stay gone. You know, my mother used to do this each morning.” I look at him, wondering what he means. “She would sit out on this swing every morning and watch the sunrise. I remember trying to wake up early to come out here with her. She said it was her slice of time where nothing could bother her.”
I smile despite the hell I went through. I picture him as a young boy, coming out here just to sit with her.
“I think it’s important for kids to have time like that with their parents. Hadley and I have our bedtime routine that I cherish and pray she always remembers.”
“Mom did something special with each of us. She made it her goal to make us happy. She died when I was about Hadley’s age.”
I touch his hand. “I’m so sorry you lost her. I met your father a few times, but I didn’t know him that well. I wish I had gotten to meet her, she sounds wonderful.”
“My mother was a saint. I don’t remember much, but what memories I do have . . . are everything. I wish I could see her face clearer in my head.”
“I know what you mean. I lost my mother as well, so I know it’s hard. She would be very proud of the man you became. I know we don’t know each other really, but everything I’ve seen so far says you’re a good man.”
I don’t know how to explain it, but since Connor came back into my life, everything has shifted. Maybe it’s nothing or maybe it’s the universe telling me I fucked up the night I left him sleeping in a hotel room and I should listen to it. Maybe it’s my parents giving me a sign from above. Whatever it is, Connor has helped me more in the last week than anyone else has since I moved to this town.
He rescued my daughter and now me. He’s been kind and hasn’t made me feel small. Even now, instead of grilling me or making me talk, he’s giving me something else to think of and talk about.
