Page 111 of Come Back for Me
Now I have to prepare our daughter for the new path. The one where a family we were building falls apart.
“Hadley, Connor and I . . . we’re . . . well, we are taking some time apart.”
“But!” She rips her hands from mine. “I love him.”
“I love him too, but sometimes it’s not that simple.”
Hadley’s head moves side to side in denial. “We have to go back, Mommy! We have to. Connor loves us, and he makes you happy. You don’t cry anymore, and Connor doesn’t hit you!”
There are wounds that aren’t physical. “I know that, honey, but we had a fight and we agreed that we needed to take a break.”
Her eyes widen and then she touches my face with her hand. “He’s my best friend.”
“And he’s your father and will always be a part of your life. I will never take that away from you.”
Tears leak from her eyes, and everything inside me is tightening. Breath by breath, it constricts as I watch my baby grapple with what I’m saying.
Surely, this can’t be how it should feel. When I left Kevin, it was freeing. This doesn’t feel free. It feels like agony.
“Please, Mommy! Please! We have to go back. I have a treehouse, and he doesn’t know what to do with the animals! We have to help him. He needs us and . . . and . . . he never makes us sad. Connor takes us to get pumpkins and apples.Please!”
Please make this stop.
I can’t stop the tears that fall down my face. Watching her fall apart this way is bound to destroy me.
My fingers graze her cheek, wiping the tear that falls. “You will always have Connor, Hadley. Always. I know this is hard for you to understand, but sometimes, we have to walk away from someone we care about, even when they take us for pumpkins and apples. Sometimes, it doesn’t work.”
And sometimes, you want to die in the process.
Her chest rises and falls fast, breaths coming out in loud puffs. “I want to go back to Connor!”
I do too.
“I know, and I’m sorry. You have no idea how much I love you, Hadley, and I would do anything for you, but I can’t give you this.”
“You always forgave Daddy.” Her voice quivers. “I don’t know why you can’t forgive Connor.”
And with that, a sob breaks from her chest as she runs down the hall. When the door slams, I jump and another part of me shatters.
* * *
“Ellie, I’m worried,” Sydney says at four in the morning.
I’ve cried non-stop since my talk with Hadley. If it wasn’t hysterical tears where she was holding me, it was a constant stream.
I haven’t been able to recount what happened because it’s too painful, and I’m not one hundred percent sure of what Sydney’s legal responsibilities would be. I have no idea if she has to report it. Hell, she might already know since she and Declan used to date.
Everything is a mess.
“I’ll be fine.”
“Will you? Because I’ve never seen anyone cry this much. What happened?”
I want to talk to someone, but I’m not sure the words will come. “I learned a lot that night. Things that Connor probably hoped I’d never know, and . . . I can’t be with him.”
“Did he hurt you? Because, I swear to God, I’ll kill him.”
“No, not like that. Not . . . physically or anything. It’s just some things about the night we met.”
