Page 109 of Come Back for Me
Chasing that thought is that, had I gotten my answers back then, I never would have met Connor in that bar. Hadley wouldn’t exist.
That is unbearable for me to consider, and I refuse to walk down that path of what-if.
God, I want so desperately to believe that he didn’t know any of this until his brother showed up. I really do. But the trust is gone, and I don’t know if I’ll ever believe him again.
I made that mistake with Kevin each time he told me he would never hit me again, and I won’t blindly follow a man, regardless of the love I have for him. After everything I’ve endured, I’d rather take the loss now than later when I’m in far too deep.
Not that I think I haven’t already hit that place. The love I have for Connor is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. Losing him . . . well, that might destroy me.
The sobs continue until my body is empty. I’m hollow and broken. I don’t remember how I got back into the bed. I have no memories of wrapping my limbs around him as though, if I only held on tightly enough, I wouldn’t have to let go, but here I am.
I lean back, waiting for him to tell me this was a bad dream, but the look in his eyes tells me it isn’t.
“I have to go,” I say, my voice raw and hoarse.
“No,” he says quickly.
I lift myself off him, my heart breaking with the loss of his touch.
“You had to know this was going to be the outcome.”
“What do you want me to do? Turn myself in? I’ll do it. I’ll go right now and see Sheriff Mendoza and confess.”
I shake my head, a new wave of tears coming. “I don’t want or need that, Connor. I sure as hell don’t want another one of Hadley’s fathers in jail.”
He takes my face in his hands. “Tell me what I can do.”
That’s the thing, there’s nothing. He didn’t actually drive the car that killed them, none of them did. If he were to go to the sheriff, all it would do is hurt people who have already paid for the sins of their father.
“You can make this as easy as possible for me. You can show me that you love me by allowing me to get off this bed and walk out the door without having this be any harder than it already will be.”
His jaw clenches as if he wants to argue, but then he sits up and moves to the side of the bed. He’s doing exactly what I asked, and yet, it feels like another betrayal. I don’t want to lose him. The idea of walking away is killing me, but I have to get my head straight.
I can’t make the same mistakes.
I slide off the bed, grab my clothes, and head for the bathroom.
Once dressed, I look at myself in the mirror. Who is this woman? It’s been months since I’ve cried. Months of feeling strong, beautiful, and smart. All of that gone in one instant. I think about Hadley and the lessons I’ve fought to teach her.
She is going to be crushed—more so than she ever was about Kevin. She loves Connor. She loves living here and had hopes that will dissipate like mist when I tell her.
Once again, I’ve chosen wrong.
I exit the bathroom and find him leaning against the wall. Our eyes meet, and I have to look away. He is my weakness, and right now, I need strength.
“Where will you go?” he finally asks, breaking the silence.
“I’ll go to Sydney’s for tonight. Then I don’t know. I guess I’ll look for a place.”
“Stay here.”
“Here?”
He pushes off the wall, coming close but not touching me. “Yes, this is where Hadley is happy and comfortable. You can stay here, and I’ll find somewhere else.”
“You want me to stay in this house?”
“I want you to stay with me, but I’m trying to make this easier and let you go.”
