Page 63 of Infinite
“I’m leaving, Ashton. I’m leaving, and you know that.”
“I do, and I don’t blame you.”
He laughs. “I didn’t realize until now that you might understand it. I can’t resist you. I might try, and I might hold up for a small amount of time, but I’m unable to deny you. No matter how many times I tell myself differently, you’re the one thing in my life I can’t walk away from, which is why we keep going around in this circle.”
He’s right, and it’s why I had to walk away in North Carolina. I couldn’t tell him no. I loved him and knew that I’d never get better if I stayed. It makes sense that he feels the need to be away from me now.
Still, I want to spend whatever time he has left together. We’ve been through so much, and there’s a real possibility that he might not make it home.
“Will you do one thing for me?”
He looks as though he’s in pain. “Depends.”
I smile. He’s smart not to commit himself. “Will you please spend the next two weeks with me? I know you’re going to leave, and I will do my best to accept that, but I’d like us to heal a little too. We’ve hurt ourselves, each other, and if you’re going to go back where it’s dangerous, I’d like us to be in a good place.”
I wait for what feels like a lifetime.
“Where are you staying now that you’re back here?”
“I hadn’t gotten that far, but probably with Gretchen.”
“You can stay at our place.”
“But—”
“You don’t have to, but they’re newlyweds and I’ll be leaving in two weeks. You can use the house since I paid the rent for the year.”
“And where will you stay?” I ask with fear. I’m not sure if I’m afraid of him saying there or somewhere else.
If we’re in close quarters, then maybe I can convince him to stay. If we aren’t . . . how will I feel being in a home surrounded by his things?
He brings his hand to my cheek as though he can’t stop himself. “With you.”
22
Quinn
She’s here. She’s in front of me, and for the first time since we lost our . . . daughter, she doesn’t look as though she’s hopeless. I’m not sure what to do with it, but I can’t stop staring at her.
When I flew out to California, I had no idea what the point was, but if this was the end result, then it was worth it. Ashton is finally accepting that she needs to deal with it all.
“Do you want to go up to Liam’s?” she asks as I drop my hand.
“Yeah, I’m sure they’ll want to see you since there’s no doubt Aarabelle told them. Hell, I won’t be surprised if we see nose and fingerprints on the window from Natalie trying to watch.”
Ashton laughs, and the sound makes me feel as though I won the lottery. It’s been so fucking long. It tears me apart that it is only coming now because we’re over and I’m leaving. Freeing her was the right thing to do. I could’ve begged or fought, but it would’ve kept her in that cage and she never would have found the strength to break out. Now she can spread her wings and fly.
“Well, let’s make sure she doesn’t have a flat nose.”
We start to walk toward the house, and I fight the instinct to take her hand in mine, but then Ashton reaches out and wraps her fingers around my arm. I look down, and she notices what she did and then drops her hold. “Ash . . .”
“I’m sorry, it was . . .”
I stop walking and take her hand. “Don’t mistake what I was saying. I fucking love you and would give you anything you asked for, but I don’t want to hurt you.”
Jesus. All of this is becoming so fucking complicated. I crave her like a drug. She’s everything to me, and before she walked out that night, I would’ve continued to take hit after hit. I would’ve overdosed if it meant that was the only way I could have her. I would’ve endured the constant need I have when it comes to her. She’s my addiction, but it wasn’t me that was dying from it—it was her. And I can’t fucking do that to her.
The only way she’ll survive it is by making sure I don’t relapse.
