Page 55 of Infinite
Jackson walks in, sensing the room and clearly unsure of what to do. Eventually, he goes to stand by Catherine. She places her hand in his, and my stomach flips. I had that—or, I could’ve.
Suddenly, I’m angry again. I wanted that, but my life went to shit.
“No! That’s the fucking problem, Cat. He’ll stay out of obligation or whatever misguided feelings he has—not because he loves me. That’s what would’ve been the saddest thing of all. He would’ve stayed so he’s notthatguy, right?”
“What guy?” Jackson asks.
“The guy who leaves his girlfriend after she loses their baby and becomes a crazy person. We both could’ve died. He was kidnapped. I almost died in surgery. We were stupid to think that we could make this work. Quinn was right in the beginning when he said love made him weak.”
“Stop it,” Catherine chides. “You’re being overly dramatic and, I’m sorry, but I’m going to call you out. Love doesn’t make you weak, and you don’t believe that for a second.”
I believe that I’m going to punch my best friend, that much is real. “When did you become such a bitch?”
“Day that you became a martyr.”
I flip her off and then turn, my chest aching. People can judge me, I accept that, but not her. “I’m sorry, but before I loved that baby, I was fucking fine!”
Catherine moves closer. “No one thinks you’re weak. We think you’re grieving and giving up. Quinn was taken, and I’m sure that fucked you up. I know what it’s like to think you’re going to lose a man you love.”
Jackson comes over and places his hand on my shoulder. “It’s not easy being in a relationship with guys like us. We’re impulsive, protective, stupid, and often think we’re Gods when we’re just as mortal as you are. Quinn took a risk, and it was at a time I think you needed him most.”
“It’s not about his job,” I try to reassure him.
Catherine moves in. “Isn’t it? You almost lost him, so you think it’ll be a bit easier to give something away than have it taken again?”
That’s not what this is. I’m not protecting myself because I’m worried I’ll lose him that way. I’m sure that he’ll leave. I know that he’s going to get to the point where he can’t stand to deal with my constant state of depression. Maybe one day he’ll see a little girl on her daddy’s shoulders and wish he could have that, but he can’t.
Because I’m fucking broken.
“I don’t know anymore, Catherine. That’s the thing. I don’t know what I’m doing, and I don’t know what’s right. I hurt all the time. I want it to stop.”
She moves closer, cupping my cheeks. “Then you have to forgive yourself and see that you did nothing wrong.”
19
Quinn
I stare down at the text message, reading it for the hundredth time.
Ashton: I’m sorry. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m sorry I did that to you.
I close my eyes, wishing the words were something other than that. As soon as I got it, I hopped on a plane. There’s no clear reason why, and I have no idea what I’m going to say, but I have to see her. She broke my fucking heart. Now, I’m outside Jackson’s home, prepared to get some answers about what exactly she’s sorry for.
I knock on the door, my head spinning in a million different ways. There’s only one person who can make sense of this, but nothing good will come of my showing up here.
A second passes before the door opens and Ashton is standing in front of me—her hair a mess and her eyes swollen. A part of me is happy to see she looks like this. If she were smiling as though this meant nothing, I might’ve lost it.
The shock in her eyes is clear. Catherine didn’t tell her I was coming. “Quinn?” Her voice is pitched high in surprise.
“I got your text.”
She rocks back and forth from one foot to the other. “Oh, yeah, I, um . . . I thought that maybe you didn’t want to speak to me.”
“I’m not going to yell at you, but I thought I should reply, and what we have to say to each other was worth more than a text, don’t you think?”
Her lips part, and she nods. “Right. I wanted to call, but I was . . . well, I was afraid.” She takes a step back and opens the door wider. “Do you want to come in and talk? Catherine and Jackson aren’t home, but they have beer or we can go out and talk?”
I don’t fucking know. Looking at her like this is fucking with my plan. I was going to come, say my peace, and leave her just like she did me. But she’s broken enough already, I can’t do it more. When she left me, I got in my car to chase her down. I got a few miles outside of town and stopped. Ashton made herself crystal clear, and there I was, doing exactly the opposite.
