Page 72 of Infinite
“God, Ashton.” He moans and then his mouth is on mine again.
We kiss, and my head spins, thoughts of the past and any possible future colliding. I see it all, a life where we may not have a house full of children, but there’s us. Two people who swam through the uncharted water to get back to each other. And then the dream I let build in my head stops.
He’s leaving to go overseas for God knows how long.
I’m playing with fire, and I’m going to end up with more burns that scar me forever.
One of us has to protect us both from the hurt. He did it for me before, and now it’s my turn to do it for myself.
“Quinn, stop,” I say and then take a step back. “I want this. I want this so bad that there is literally nothing else that I could want more because you’re perfect. You let me back in without questions. I’m staying in this house with you, lying beside you, talking to you, feeling you hold me and keep me together, but . . . you’re going to leave, and I can’t pretend that it won’t hurt.”
“I’m not trying to hurt you.”
“I know you’re not, but for the first time, I feel like I can breathe a bit easier, and . . . I’m afraid if I let you fill my lungs that, when I watch you walk away again, I won’t be able to draw a breath after.”
He runs his hand down his face and starts to move around the porch. “This shouldn’t be this hard. I should be able to pack my shit and walk away, just like you did that night.”
It feels as though someone has punched me in the gut. “It wasn’t easy for me.”
“No?”
“You have no idea the pain that walking away from you caused me.”
I remember what Carolina said, stay in the hurt and work through it. Quinn and I have a boatload of hurt that needs to be addressed. If we can work through some of it, maybe he won’t stay away too long. Maybe he’ll come back when he sees that we’re supposed to be together.
“You have no idea what it’s doing to me knowing I’m going in a week and a half.”
“Then stay.”
I say the words and regret them the second they’re out, but it’s the only response I can give.
25
Quinn
She wants me to stay.
The confliction rolls around like a bowling ball, each pin an excuse that it takes out, leaving me with just one standing.
Can I roll a spare? Can I trust that the only reason I should get on the plane is standing in front of me, able to take me out?
I don’t know, and that fact alone keeps it from toppling over.
“I can’t stay.”
Her smile is small and sad. “I know.”
“Do you?”
Ashton nods. “I pushed you to this, and so, yeah, I know you can’t. There’s something you’re chasing over there. Something that you seem to need.”
The only thing I need is her, but I was what was breaking her. I’m going there to escape this and find a new way to live. One without this beautiful woman with her big blue eyes and smart mouth. She needs to do the same, and as long as we’re around each other, this will always be what happens.
“All I need is for you to be happy.”
“And what if you’re the only thing that can give me that?” Ashton challenges.
“We both know I’m what takes it away.”
