Page 67 of Infinite
We finish doing our nighttime routine and walk to our prospective sides of the bed. Once we climb in, it’s awkward as hell. Both of us lie here, looking up at the ceiling, hands on our chests so that we don’t touch each other.
Jesus, this is going to suck.
Then Quinn chuckles. The sound is so loud in the utter silence that I turn to look at him.
“What?”
“This.”
I smile. “The fact that we’re both being weird?”
“Yes.” He moves to his side and opens his arms. “Come here. If I only have two weeks, I plan to make them count.”
A wash of sadness comes over me, but I push it away. Today is a day for hope, not regret. I nestle into his arms, loving the way I fit against him. He cocoons me, and I close my eyes, committing this moment to memory.
I’m not alone or overwhelmed with depression. I’m fighting my way through it, refusing to let it eat me alive. I’m sad because, if we hadn’t lost the baby, his hand would be resting on my large bump. We could be lying here, feeling her kick, we might be engaged and planning the wedding we want.
That’s not the reality, but it could be worse.
One of us could be dead.
“Quinn,” I whisper.
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
I turn so I can face him and his hand rests on my hip. “I’m sorry I lost you.”
“You didn’t lose me.”
I smile half-heartedly in appreciation of him trying to tell me otherwise. We both know it’s not true. I lost him the day I got into that cab and left him. Even if he’s forgiven me and is allowing me this time, he’s not mine anymore.
“You don’t have to lie to me.”
He brings his hand up to my face, and I shiver under his touch. “I think that even if we were on opposite sides of the world, we would still belong to each other.”
Do not cry. Do not cry.
A tear slips out, and he wipes it with his thumb. “Why are you crying?”
“Because I love you and this is all my fault.”
“I think that’s why I don’t feel like we’ve lost each other, Ash. It’s no one’s fault.”
“It’s mine that you’re leaving.”
“No,” he denies. “I don’t think it’s your fault or my fault. Who knows, I may come back in a few months and we might finally figure our shit out and not fall apart.”
I’m going to fall apart when he leaves. I will always love Quinn and want him, that much will never change. Whether we’re technically anything or not, he’s mine and I’m his. He was right when he said we were infinite. My love for him has no end. If we can’t find a way to be together, I’m not sure another man will ever fill that void.
“I have a plan.”
“You do?”
Yeah, I’m going to make sure we’re not on opposites sides of the world in two weeks. That’s my plan.
