Page 65 of Infinite
“He said how Cole takes everything. His wife, kid, best friend and then he said how he was ensuring the same didn’t happen to me. You know, Lee was pregnant when he had his shit go down, when he got back she was with you and . . .”
“And what? I was going to move in on your pregnant girlfriend?”
“I guess.”
He curses and shakes his head. “It’s hard to remember that he’s not him anymore, you know? Aaron came back, appeared to be working through things, and then he snapped a few months back. It was as though he didn’t realize any time had passed. He’d show up here, asking for his wife, and Lee didn’t know what to do. He thought she was still pregnant and that Aarabelle wasn’t his daughter.”
I hate that he was going through that and never said a word. Not that I know what I would’ve done, but I would have at least listened to him. Liam is a good man, one whose values override any of his own wants. He’ll do the right thing no matter how much it costs him. Having to go back in time and relive it all had to weigh heavily on him.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Liam’s eyes fill with regret. “Do you think you’re the only man in the world who suffers with guilt? It’s been years, and still, I look at my wife and wonder if I’m not the biggest bastard who walks this earth. Telling someone wasn’t something we wanted to do, but I think him coming to the house and seeing us, having to explain what happened over and over, is what pushed him over. Aaron and I could never be the same after all that happened, and in that respect, some of the things you said to me were right.”
“I don’t think he snapped because of you, Liam. I wasn’t right about anything I said all those years ago either. He was a fucking asshole to do what he did to Lee before he was held hostage. She’s lucky that you came into her life.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about his issues. I really thought that, once we took him to the treatment facility, he’d get the help he needed.”
He has nothing to apologize for.
“It’s not like you knew of his plan.”
Liam chuckles once. “I might have helped him if I did. You had it easy in BUDs and didn’t get captured like the rest of us.”
“I was far too superior of a SEAL even then.”
“Yeah, okay. But in all seriousness, are you all right after it all? I know you’re fine in some aspects, but . . .”
This is a subject we don’t discuss. You don’t go through the shit we have and not have residual issues, I don’t give a shit what anyone says. Some guys drink. Some get angry and storm off. Some fuck around on their wives because they feel undeserving. And some just deal with it. I’d like to think Liam and I are in the last club.
Sure, I have dreams sometimes, but other than that, I process my shit and move on.
“I’m fine. Really, man. I think having Ashton to worry about helped me not think about it. I was trying so hard to fix things for her that I didn’t have time to focus on myself.”
“That’s what I’m worried about.”
“Look at you being all fatherly and shit.”
Liam rolls his eyes. “I’m not about to lose another best friend because we don’t deal with things.”
Aaron and Liam were closer than we were for a long time. There was nothing those two wouldn’t have done for each other.
“I’m not Aaron.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Do you remember when he got stuck under the barbed wire at that training facility in North Carolina?”
Liam laughs. “The same one where you fell off the log when you were trying to show off and didn’t know we had put oil on it.”
Bastards. “You paid for that when I glued your boots shut at the top.”
“Yeah, I couldn’t get the fuckers to open and had to buy new ones.”
The mood shifts as we start to tell old stories about training. After we graduated, we went separate ways. Liam went to California, and I came to Virginia. We weren’t on the same team until much later. Now, I’m out and he’s still active, but it still feels as though we’re fighting the same battles.
“About Ashton . . .” He brings the conversation back around. “I know you’re hellbent on leaving, but can you actually do it now that she’s here?”
I take a long pull of my drink and think about it. My knee-jerk reaction is to tell him I could go without a doubt, but I’m not really sure. This is a fucking gift that Jackson gave me so I could get some time away, not because they actually want information. What I think they are hoping is that I’ll be back in a few weeks with a clearer head.
