Page 59 of Infinite
I’ve hurt so many people, I see that now. I’m not sure I can ever atone for the damage I’ve caused to Quinn, but I’m going to die trying. As for everyone else, I hope they’ll see that nothing I did was intentional. My heart was so broken and my grief was smothering me.
The only thing I can do is move forward, and try to make amends.
One of the ways I plan to do that is to show everyone I’m ready to try. I can’t live in the past and there is something I can give back to help other women not feel the agony of not being able to have what they want.
The person who can help me is also owed an apology. It wasn’t Clara’s fault, but I took it out on her.
I bring the phone to my ear and wait for her to pick up. “Ashton?”
“Hi, Clara.”
“Hey, I’m shocked to hear from you, is everything okay?”
When we last talked, I was emphatic that there was no way in hell I was going back to the lab and was upset that she even asked me to help out in Virginia Beach.
“Everything is . . . well, it’s going to be. I want to apologize to you. You’ve been an amazing friend, and I’ve been a bitch. A big one.”
She chuckles. “You’ve had a reason to be.”
“No, I haven’t. Sad, sure. But not . . . this.”
“I appreciate the apology, my friend, and I accept. But it’s truly not necessary. I’m glad to hear your voice. Have you found a job or anything yet?”
Here’s where my stomach clenches. I doubt the lab offer is still there, but maybe there’s a chance. “About that . . . I wanted to ask you about the lab down here and if they still might need help. I can’t commit to anything long term at this point, but I’d like to help on the case you mentioned.”
Clara didn’t give me much in the way of details, just that they were having a few issues we’d encountered with eggs prior to insemination. Since our lab was the one to have a breakthrough on it, they called us for help, only I wasn’t there. Clara explained that I was in the area, though, and she’d reach out.
It’s not my job to know about the patient’s reasons, but this is their last chance.
I understand that feeling all too well now.
“Are you sure?”
“No, but I’d like to help. If I can’t have children, it doesn’t mean that others shouldn’t.”
Clara falls quiet for a few. “You know that there are other options for you too. It was way too soon to discuss them, but when you and Quinn are ready, I’m here.”
“Quinn and I . . . we broke up and I fucked up so bad.”
“I’m so sorry. Grief and loss take major tolls on couples. It’s why we have Sarina in-house for counseling.”
Sarina and I didn’t interact much outside that one time when a patient tried to storm the lab after she found out her eggs weren’t viable. That was . . . horrible. She blamed us for ripping away her chances, cried uncontrollably, and Sarina helped calm her.
Clara is always pointing out that Sarina would’ve helped me, but I wouldn’t even let her near me.
“Do you . . . do you think Sarina knows someone here?”
I swear, I can hear Clara smiling into the phone. “I’ll ask her.”
“Thanks.”
“Ashton,” Clara says quickly. “You have no idea how much this call means to me. I’ve been worried about you.”
I sigh. “It seems I’ve done a good job of making everyone worry. I’ll be honest, I’m not better. But for the first time, I feel like no matter what happens, I’ll find a way through it.”
“That’s all any of us can do.”
“Thanks, Clara.”
