Page 54 of Infinite
“I’m going to kill you if you don’t leave me alone.”
Catherine doesn’t seem to care about my threat. “Okay, you can try, but you’re wasting away, so my money is on me. I could always call Quinn and let him know how you’re acting.”
His name doesn’t bother me.
Nope. That stabbing pain is from hunger.
It has nothing to do with him or how much I miss him.
It’s not like I spend most of my dreams imagining us together with that ring on my hand.
“Not like he’ll care anyway.” I pull the blankets over my head.
“You’re right.” She laughs with sarcasm. “It’s not like he’s called me, Gretchen, Liam, Jackson, Mark, and anyone else under the sun to get updates on you, which, you know, are that you’re sleeping and moping.”
I sit up with a bolt. “You told him that?”
“Why would you care?”
“I don’t! I’d rather give him no excuses to care about me.”
She shrugs and then sits on the bed. “Why would he? You left him because you don’t love him.”
“I never said I didn’t love him.”
“Then why did you leave in the middle of the night when he begged you to stay? Why did you get in a cab with the man chasing it down to try to make you talk?”
My eyes flash as I realize she knows what happened.
“Oh, yeah, I found out the whole story, so . . . no more hiding, Ashton.”
Catherine turns on her heels and walks out of the room. I wish I had more self-control than to follow her out, but I lack that. She’s itching for a fight, and I won’t let her have the last word.
“I’m not hiding!”
“Bullshit. Now tell me what the hell is going on. You come here, and I have never seen you so broken, I didn’t know what to do. I thought giving you some space and time would make you talk, but you haven’t. You’ve retreated right back into that shell you were in before.”
“The fuck I have! If I did, I wouldn’t hurt or cry. I would be fine, but no, I’m here, in all my goddamn pain without any solace.”
She rolls her eyes. “Spare me. What the hell happened that night?”
Spare her? Whatever. She wants to know? Fine. I’ll tell her and then she can see that I’m not crazy, I’m finally making sense. “I left him before he could leave me. I saved him from a lifetime of regret and waiting for me to ever be over everything. He doesn’t really want me to wear that ring since he has no idea what I am now so how could he?”
Her eyes fill with disgust. Catherine has always been my best friend. She’s called me out, held me up, and has never shied away from a fight. I should’ve known this wasn’t the right place to go.
“Who the hell are you to decide that for him? How are you suddenly so all knowing in what’s going to happen? You’re a mess, and you’ve given up, why? It’s easier than fighting? Well, fuck that shit. You’re right about one thing—you’re not who you were. You’ve been to hell, and when that happens, it has a way of changing a person. However, that doesn’t mean that you get to choose what others want.”
I shake my head, feeling a fury I didn’t have before. “Screw you.”
“No, screw you. You came here for a reason. You ran away, and I’m . . . I’m always going to be here for you, but you have to figure out why you’re so scared. Is it because you’re angry or is it that you’re holding on to whatever excuse you can find to sabotage your life?”
“I’m everything!”
“Good!” Catherine yells back. “Be everything. Besomething! You haven’t been anything at all for a while, and I think that’s why you’re here instead of with the man who loves you. Do you really think he would walk away from you?”
At some point, I think anyone would grow tired of being with someone who can’t even make themselves smile. I thought shutting down would make it easier on both of us. Then, I felt again.
I felt his hands, his heat, and his love, and it scared the shit out of me. I don’t want to feel because then I’ll be empty again. I will remember all that I lost and all that will never be.
