Page 52 of Infinite
In my heart, I know I did the right thing. I feel it in my very core, but it was the last thing I actually wanted.
Quinn gave me something to breathe for. Without that, I don’t know what I’ll do.
“He can’t love me. I can’t take everything away from him. He’ll never have kids or a wife who isn’t this shell of a person. What do you think will happen in a few months when he’s really done with it? I already see it wearing on him.”
“You’re seeing things that aren’t there, Biffle.”
“That’s just it, all I see is the past. All I see is everything we could’ve been. When I see the hope in his eyes, it kills me. I love him so damn much, but I can’t stop hurting when he’s around.”
She rubs my back. “He isn’t trying to hurt you.”
I lean back, raking hands through my hair. “And that’s the worst part. He loves me, and it’smewho is hurting us both. So I left. I did the only thing I could think of.”
I hate myself for it. Shame washes over me, bringing me lower than I already was.
“You left?”
“Yes. I had to go.” I don’t tell her how or what I did. I’m too ashamed.
God, what I wouldn’t give to feel numb again.
“But no one knows?”
“No, only you and Jackson . . . and Quinn.”
Catherine sighs and chews on her bottom lip. I know she’s thinking and trying to make sense of this. It’s hard for people who haven’t had the same life experiences to think they’d make the same decisions. It doesn’t work that way. For the longest time, I said I would never do things until I had weighed all my options.
I know that, to her, his proposal was the promise of forever.
I don’t see it that way. I think it was what he thought he needed to do.
After a moment, she touches my hand. “Okay. What do you want me to tell everyone?”
I glance at her, not sure what she means. “About?”
“Well, you can hide here, but everyone is going to be worried.”
I sigh and step back. “Tell them that I need time.”
“And are you going to go back?”
I know the answer is not what she wants to hear. I’m too much of a coward to go back, and if I have to look at him, I won’t be strong enough to resist him.
“Can I stay for a bit?”
“Of course. Jackson and I love you and we would never tell you to go, but I’m worried.”
I’ve been distant with her the last few months, and I can imagine she is struggling with that. We’ve never been that way with each other. Our friendship has always been strong and honest. When we’ve been at our lowest, we reach for each other. I’ve not done that with anyone. I’ve pushed—hard.
“Thank you, Cat. I’ll be okay.”
“You don’t have to thank me. You’re my best friend, and I love you. If I can help, then I want to.”
Jackson comes out of Erin’s room. The two of them share a look and then Jackson speaks. “Quinn has called twice. I told him that you were here and okay.”
I huff. “There goes me hiding out.”
“He’s not going to come here,” Jackson says quickly. “I told him if there was anything wrong, we’d let him know. If I didn’t tell him you were safe, he’d be on a plane right now.”
