Page 49 of Infinite
My chest is tight, and I struggle to breathe. Fear grips at my heart, strangling it until I’m not sure it’s beating. I’m losing her. She’s already halfway out the door, and if I don’t do something drastic, the other half will go with it.
I rush over to my bag and pull out the black box with the diamond I bought months ago. This, again, wasn’t my plan, but if she sees that I’ve been planning for long term, maybe she’ll stop this fucking bullshit. I love her. She’ll be my wife, and I’ll give her everything. There’s nothing in this world I won’t fight through to make her happy.
She just has to stay with me. I’ll find a way and make this work.
“Ashton Caputo.” I drop to my knee, lifting the top of the box. “I bought this ring the day I got in a car to come to you after the IED accident. I knew then that there was no one in this world I wanted other than you. I needed to prove myself worthy of you. You say I don’t deserve this, and that’s a lie because it’s you who deserves better than me. But here we are, still hanging on, and I’m telling you that I love you and I need you. I want to spend my entire life right beside you, no matter what that looks like.” Her tears keep falling, and I stand, moving toward her. “I’m not going to ask you to marry me,” I say as I pull the ring out. “I’m not going to give you the choice because there’s nothing I won’t do to make us work. I’ll be the fight when you have none. I’ll be the strength when you think there’s nothing left. I’ll love you enough when you can’t love yourself. I’m going to marry you, Ashton Caputo, because we’re infinite.”
I place the ring on her finger, waiting for her to say something, but she doesn’t. Ashton leans forward, her forehead pressed tight against my chest as my arms wrap around her, and I pray that she came back in the door.
17
Ashton
I stare down at my ring, wondering how I went from one extreme to another. I swear I have whiplash from the entire thing. I’m engaged, and yet, I have no intention of staying with him.
He walks around the side of the bed, pulling the blankets down. “Come lie with me,” he requests.
I do as he asks because my mind can only concentrate on one thing at a time. When I sit on the edge of the bed, I go to take my jewelry off like I always do, and he grabs my hand.
“What?”
“Don’t take it off.”
My stomach drops. Does he know? Can he see the wheels in my head going? Did I show my hand somehow? “Why can’t I take it off?”
Quinn rubs his thumb along it. “Because I’ve waited a really long time to find a girl I wanted to marry. I want to know it’s where it belongs.”
He’s killing me. He’s fucking wrecking me in every way. It hurts to breathe, and I wish that the ground would open up and swallow me. All I can muster to get out is one word. “Okay.”
He leans in, kissing me. “Do you like the ring?”
“I love it.” And I do. I loved it the first time I saw it. He found something that was truly perfect for me.
Too bad I’m not the perfect girl to wear it.
“Good.” Quinn settles next to me and pulls me into his arms. My ear presses against his chest, listening to the steady sound of his heartbeat.
I lie here, inhaling his woodsy cologne that has a small hint of cloves. I close my eyes, breathing it in and committing it to memory.
“I love you, Quinn.”
He kisses the top of my head. “I love you. I’m always going to be here for you,fragolina. You have no idea how happy you make me, and I promise to do the same for you. Go to sleep. We are both exhausted.”
“Yeah, we are.”
He settles even more, gently rubbing my back, giving me comfort I don’t deserve.
“Sleep, sweetheart. I’ve got you.”
My lips won’t move even though my mind is screaming at him to stop. I might have asked him to break me, but I didn’t know quite what that would be like.
Now, I’m going to do the same to him, and I hate myself more than I could ever explain.
I do my best to fake sleep by evening out my breaths. The sky turns darker, the stars shine bright, and the moon is incredible.
It casts light across the ocean like a beacon to whatever will walk its way. I think about how that strip of white leads to somewhere far away and how, if I could go there, I would. I would run to a place where there weren’t any problems or past hurts, a world where things would be different.
More time passes, but the sky remains the same. Quinn has shifted, his hands are tucked under his face as he shifts to his side, and I know he’s truly asleep. I look at the lines, which were so tight a few hours ago, as they relax. When he awakens, he’ll never forgive me.
