Page 44 of Infinite
Something inside me refuses to stop, even knowing this could be the end. I push myself inside and take the stairs three at a time. The door flies open, and she turns, her lips parted and there’s a bead of moisture below her eye.
“You were crying.”
Ashton nods. “I guess I was.”
I move closer, unwilling to give her any more space. “Do you still love me,fragolina?”
This isn’t what I should be asking, but God, if I don’t feel like her answer will be the precipice of my life.
“Of course I do.”
“Do you want me to let you go?”
This answer is even more important. She might love me, and I know I love her, but I can’t make things harder for her anymore. I thought waiting her out was the key. I believed that if I gave her time, she’d come around.
I’ve been reaching, fighting, and chasing her, but what if I’m holding her back? Losing her will fucking kill me, but destroying her would be a fate worse than death.
I love her unselfishly, which means I will do what she needs.
Ashton watches me, I can feel the tension filling the room, and then, when I think my heart can’t take another second, a tear rolls down her face, and I know my answer.
15
Ashton
I’m losing him again. I can see that I’m breaking him, and it’s shredding what is left of my heart.
But now that it’s happening and I’m face to face with it, a new wave of sadness crashes over me.
I don’twantto let him go. Another thing taken from me will hurt, regardless of the shell I’ve created around myself, I was stupid to think when this day came it wouldn’t cause me to ache.
I watched him run with a force I haven’t seen in far too long. It was as though his body was fueled by something far deeper than the urge to exercise. Even from my window, I could see his jaw, tight and filled with anger.
I’m not fool enough to think it has nothing to do with me.
I wept for the man I love. Tears fell down my cheeks as I saw the damage I’m doing to him. With each pump of his legs, I felt the distance growing between us.
Now, I have to do whatever I can to close the gap.
“Is that what you want?” I ask with a shake in my voice.
“I asked you if you want me to let you go.”
He’s trying to give me power. I’ve had so many decisions taken from me, and I wish someone would take this one away from me as well.
My chest heaves as I look at him. This man who has battled so many things, given me more than I ever hoped for, and I’m choking on my thoughts.
The truth is, I never want him to leave. I want to stay in his arms every single day because I love him. He is everything I want and need, but I am no longer the girl who deserves him.
Quinn’s love is a gift, and I’ve neglected it.
“I don’t want to lose you.” I take a step closer, my eyes leaking a steady stream of tears because I know that I have to let him go before I ruin him.
As selfish as needing him makes me, I can’t stop myself. I want one more time with Quinn, to be alive in his arms, to touch him and bask in his love. I’m a horrible person, but I push all of that aside.
My hand lifts to his face, and I touch the stubble, reveling in the coarseness of the hair. He’s so beautiful.
“Ashton.” He says my name with reverence. A prayer from his lips that I haven’t earned.
