Page 12 of Infinite
I lie on the cool floor, surrounded by all I have of Quinn, and cry, wishing that my world wasn’t falling apart.
“Ashton?” Gretchen’s voice is soft as her arms wrap around me as we huddle on the floor. “I’ve got you,” she vows.
I want him home. I want him to comfort me, but he’s not, so I have to be stronger than this. Crying won’t bring him back. “I’m fine,” I say as I push to sit myself up.
She shakes her head. “You are not fine. Stop saying it.”
“Don’t you start too.”
“Start what? Making you talk? Making you say anything other than you’re fine or yelling at the people who love you?”
I release a shaky breath. “What would you do?”
“I would talk to my best friends.”
She says that, but it’s not that simple. “What the hell is talking going to do? I don’t want to talk about any of it when nothing will change.”
“No, nothing will change, but you can let some of the pain go.” Her eyes fill with love and hope.
I could open my heart, tear down the walls, but then I’ll be nothing but a vulnerable mess. They’ll all go back to their lives and husbands and babies, and I’ll be alone here. It’s better if I shut it all down and find a way to draw air into my lungs without choking on it.
“The pain I let go will just fill back up and brim over the edge. I don’t have a release for it, Gretch. This is nothing like anyone can imagine.”
“No, we can’t imagine, but we can love you through it.”
“You’re not who I worry about loving me.”
She jerks back slightly. “You’re worried about Quinn?”
I’m worried about everything. I reach into the pocket of his pants and pull out the black box. “He was going to ask me to marry him.”
She takes it. “He loves you.”
I scoff. “He’s gone. He’s not here, and if he does return . . . he’ll find that everything he believed he had is gone.” Just like the girl I used to be.
“You need to stop getting ahead of yourself.”
No one else will understand this. I was giving him a life he thought he didn’t want and then craved more than anything. He was going to have a child, a woman who loved him, and a family.
Explaining this to her isn’t going to get her to see things the way they are. Once again, I find a way to bury the emotions I am feeling. I put the mask of understanding and hope back in place. If I can placate her, then this conversation might stop.
“Maybe you’re right,” I say with a sigh.
She smiles softly. “I don’t believe you think that, but I hope you’ll hear this. When Quinn returns, he’s not going to look at you as though there’s something wrong with you. He’s going to want to murder the person who took him from you when you needed him most. The blame won’t be on you, my friend.”
I nod and hope the numbness comes back.
Before I allow it to wash over me, there’s a knock on the door. “Ashton?” Mark calls.
“In here.” When he opens the door, his eyes are wide and the energy around him is palpable. Gretchen gets to her feet and then they both help me up. “What is it?”
“The lead is viable. We were able to pull a surveillance camera from a few blocks away, and thanks to some friends, we think we’ve pinned his location.”
“How? I don’t understand.”
He touches my shoulder. “We’re going to go in about fifteen minutes. The guys are already gearing up, and we’re waiting for one last image so we know what we’re dealing with.”
“I want to go.”
